


The Eternal Hourglass

by Devils_Official



Series: Your Loneliest Loneliness [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: A baby!, Attempted Kidnapping, I’ll update tags as needed, M/M, Oblivious Keith (Voltron), PTSD, Panic Attacks, Pining Lotor, Relationship Status: It’s complicated, Stockholm Syndrome, Therapy, Unethical Experimentation, anxiety disorders, past abusive relationships, past trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2019-07-15 10:06:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 24,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16060868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Devils_Official/pseuds/Devils_Official
Summary: Lotor, the newly crowned Emperor of the Galra, inherits a universe of troubles after killing both of his predecessors, while simultaneously trying to deal with his own demons.





	1. Never Again

Lotor paced restlessly. There was little he could do about it. All his old nervous habits had come back in full force, and this was the least destructive, and eventually, it might wear him out enough so he could actually sleep.

He hadn’t slept since the Kral Zera, but he’d gone far longer without sleep.

__ _ Don’t think about it don’t go there you can’t  _

Blood dripped from his hands, and he had to look before he realized that his claws had embedded themselves into his palms. 

He hadn’t felt it. It should be concerning; his arms -forearms and hands, specifically -went numb randomly, or twitched uncontrollably, or 

And they’d been doing that since-

_ No that’s enough. He’s dead he’s dead he’s dead _

He certainly couldn’t defend himself effectively like this. He’d been lucky at the Kral Zera, but his luck had never held for long. 

His shoulders ached, too, and his vision wasn’t what it used to be. He had no idea how long it had been since… So maybe there was nothing a doctor could do to help. But it wouldn’t hurt to check.

_ Or would it? Doctors know about pain they can hurt you don’t you remember  _

“That’s enough,” he said out loud. He couldn’t keeping living like this, and he probably wouldn’t; not if he couldn’t fight, couldn’t move, couldn’t see-

He had few options, but he did have a  _ choice _ , and that was… Something, he supposed. It didn’t help that just the concept of making a decision made his heart beat a little harder. 

No, he’d have to see  _ someone _ . 

* * *

He had never met Dr. Arnok before, but they had corresponded on and off over the years, primarily when a quirk of his biology, or the biology of one of his generals, made itself known. Dr. Arnok was the rare Galra medical officer specializing in hybrids, an asset as the Galra gene pool became more and more dilute. 

Imperial resources had the doctor onboard within twenty-six hours.

The man was taller than Lotor, but not especially tall for a Galra. More reptilian in form, but he had a no-nonsense air about him, and Lotor liked that in a medical professional. Better that than an air of cruelty. 

“Dr. Arnok,” Lotor greeted him stiffly. He was on-edge, as he usually was now. He couldn’t remember the last time he was actually relaxed. When could he afford to relax? Now that he was on the throne… Maybe never. Not if he didn’t have someone at his back. 

But who could he trust?

When was Keith coming back? Had he lied when he said he’d return? Had he-

“Sire,” Dr. Arnok said. “I reviewed the files you sent me.”

“And?”

“I’d like to do a full body scan, to start with, in order to see if there is any remaining inflammation, and to see if surgical intervention is required.”

“If at all possible, I would prefer physical therapy,” Lotor said. He’d needed surgery on a number of occasions -that happened when you were a sickly baby, when you had to fight in order to survive for  _ every moment _ of your life - and he didn’t like it.

“That would be the last resort. Now, if you’ll stand over here and remain still…”

The scan was over quickly, and was one of the least invasive procedures Lotor had ever undergone. He did like that, at least.

“Please, have a seat,” the doctor said as he pulled up the scans. Lotor did. “The results are not...dire, but it will take time to recover.”

Lotor nodded. 

“There is inflammation present in both shoulders, and in both retinas and along the optic nerve. To treat that, I’m going to give you an anti-inflammatory medication. I am not an ocular specialist, but I can refer you to one if that does not improve your vision. The shoulders will require you to stick to a regime of physical therapy, but you previously mentioned that you liked to stay active, correct?”

Lotor nodded. “It’s good to be...moving, again.” 

Dr. Arnok paused. “Are you having trouble sleeping, Sire?”

“Yes. I was hoping you could give me something.” Sleeping medications never worked for long, but surely this would pass. It had to. 

The doctor seemed to consider something. “How much, exactly, do you remember of you time as…?”

No one wanted to say it; they never did. “Not much. I know I’m missing… a lot. It only felt like a few months, but…” 

Dr. Arnok nodded. “You didn’t read the files, then.”

“No. I- I don’t want to know.” He couldn’t allow himself to think about the parts he could remember; the parts he couldn’t had to be far worse. 

“Alright. Then I’m going to refer you to a colleague of mine. He specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy of freed and escaped slaves, survivors of rape and torture, and similar. He works with cases comparable to yours, and he has helped hundreds, or possibly thousands, over the course of his career.”

“You think I need  _ therapy _ ?”

“The psychological trauma you suffered must be addressed, too, or else you will never fully recover. Insomnia is only one symptom, but you must be exhibiting more.”

He was right, of course. When he could sleep, he woke screaming from half-remembered nightmares. He had panic attacks several times a day. All his old nervous habits returned, stronger than ever. And he never felt  _ safe _ . 

The last time he’d felt safe was when he was with Sen-

“I’ll have him brought here,” Lotor said. “Thank you for your time, Doctor.” 

* * *

  


He had, shortly after the Kral Zera, moved to a larger, more modern ship. Those were not the reasons he moved, and if anyone knew that, they didn’t say. 

Not where the man who had killed two emperors could hear, at least. 

He’d never been shown this kind of fear and respect before, but he knew it would wear off; it was only a matter of time until someone challenged his right to rule, and he had to be prepared for that.

A Galra Emperor did not  _ have _ to fight, but they must be  _ ready _ to fight at all times, strong and unassailable. Countless Galra had challenged Zarkon during his reign, and they had all perished for their folly, unmourned and unremembered. 

He pushed himself further than he should have, he knew. He hadn’t been this out-of-breath since… Since he’d been a child, surely, and this time he could not blame his ill-shaped heart. 

But now that he was Emperor, there were only two options, should someone challenge him: he could fight and win, or he could fight and die. Either way, a worse fate could be averted.

No one would ever hurt him again. 


	2. In Which Lotor Finally Gets The Therapy He Needs

“Dr. Ramil,” Dr. Ramil said, introducing himself. 

“Thank you for agreeing to see me on such short notice,” Lotor said. 

“I will admit that my reasons were not entirely...self-less. You see, I had planned on petitioning you anyway, Sire, as you have seen the cruelest aspects of the Empire.”

“I have,” Lotor said carefully. 

“I do most of my work for free, or at a highly reduced rate. I do have to take on paying patients in order to pay the bills, but if I had your support, Sire, I could do so much more.”

“I will consider a written request,” Lotor said. He...liked the idea of Dr. Ramil’s work, at least, but he wanted to see a proposal. And having a written copy would make it much easier to remember. 

“Alright, now that that's out of the way, where would you like to start?”

“I’ve...never done this before,” Lotor admitted. “I don’t...know what to do.”

“Well, let’s start with your mood. How are you feeling today?”

When was the last time someone had asked that? “I’m...anxious,” Lotor said tentatively. 

Ramil nodded. “That’s a good start. Are you anxious about anything in particular?”

“Not… Not that I know of.” He wasn’t even really anxious about this meeting, despite how it must look: he’d backed himself into a corner, facing the door, so that no one could sneak up on him. That, too, was an old habit. “Just a vague sense of…”

“Doom?” Ramil suggested. 

Lotor nodded, the licked his lips, which seemed far too dry. “I… Did Dr. Arnok send you my files?”

“He did.”

“So the answers are there, right? Just...tell me what I need to do in order to get back to normal.”

“It doesn’t work like that. You have to work through things, reconcile them, and move past them. If you ignore what happened to you, then it will fester until it kills you.”

“Metaphorically?” Lotor asked wryly.

“In some cases.”

“I don’t even know all of what happened to me,” Lotor said, “and I don’t want to. I don’t want those memories back.”

“That’s understandable. The mind often blocks out traumas, in order to protect itself, and other things can keep memories from being encoded properly. Sleep deprivation, for instance. Getting those memories back doesn’t always help.”

“But it can help?”

“Sometimes. Sometimes it makes things worse. Ultimately, it’s up to you. You have access to the Druids’ records, so you could look it up anytime.”

“Like I said, I don’t want to.” 

Ramil nodded. “Alright. It’s often best to start at the beginning. What was your childhood like?”

Lotor laughed; he couldn’t help himself. “Childhood? What childhood? If I wasn’t ill or recovering from illness, then I was suffering through the palen-bol, or being openly despised by my father, or-“ He stopped himself. “I don’t see how that’s helpful. It was a long time ago, and some things are better left undisturbed.” 

“Don’t want to stir up old memories?” Ramil asked. “Wasn’t Sendak nearly the same age as you?”

The room narrowed abruptly, and a tingling numbness spread down Lotor’s arms to his fingertips. Ramil might have said something else, but he couldn’t hear it over the pounding of his heart, fast and loud and painful. He couldn’t breathe, either, and he clawed at the collar that was no longer there-

“Hey, hey, hey. Listen to me. Just listen to my voice. I want you to focus on me, alright? Take a deep breath...good, that’s it. Now let it out. Another deep breath…”

Lotor was still trembling when the attack ended, and he felt like he’d just fought and lost a battle; battles were so much more fun when you won, after all,  the high of victory soothing wounds more effectively than any medication-

“Having you been having panic attacks frequently?” Ramil asked. 

“I- Yes,” Lotor admitted. “I had them a lot as a child, and I thought I grew out of them, but…”

Ramil nodded. “Alright. I’m going to talk to Dr. Arnok, and see if there’s a medication we can prescribe to you. It won’t help with the underlying issues, but it should make your panic attacks less frequent and less intense. He’ll discuss the specifics with you. 

“I will tell you right now that recovery won’t be easy. It’s not a linear process, and I can’t even give you a time frame. But I think it will help you quite a bit, if you are willing to put in the effort.”

“I’m not afraid of hard work,” Lotor said.

“Good,” Ramil replied. “I want to remind you that anything you say here is completely confidential.”

Lotor wasn’t sure he believed Ramil; in his experience, “confidential” meant “kept a secret until it could be weaponized,” but… “Thank you, Doctor.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, Dr. Ramil is 100% trustworthy and is genuinely trying to help Lotor.


	3. Worst Nightmare

It was almost two weeks after his Kral Zera that he got a message from Keith. 

_ Found Shiro, but there’s something you need to see. Meet me?  _

There were coordinates attached, and, well… Lotor was inclined to believe Keith.

He had no idea what Keith had found in the witch’s facility. Something vile, surely. Something horrific. Something that violated all the ethical and moral constraints scientists were supposed to obey.

He had the flagship set a new course, along with half the fleet, just in case the witch came back. 

The timing was not ideal, not when he was in the middle of sorting out the mess his predecessors had made of the universe, but finding and stopping the witch should be a priority; she was dangerous, and she always would be as long as she was alive. 

There should be clues at this facility, and it was worth looking into, whether or not Keith had found something he thought Lotor should see.

“You must have an idea of what it could be,” Ramil said.

Lotor shook his head and continued pacing. “No. I don’t. It could be anything.”

”And that’s what makes you anxious?”

”No. Well, maybe. It’s just… Not knowing is part of the problem. A large part. I can’t prepare for the unknown. Not as well as I would like to. But it is better to check it out now rather than let it fester, or worse, let her return and continue her work.” 

“Whatever her work is.”

Lotor nodded. “It is surely something you or I would find to be despicable. Maybe it would be better to destroy the entire facility without ever setting foot in it, but… Maybe there will be something worth seeing. Something to tell us where she went and what she’s doing.”

“That seems reasonable.”

“It’s just… I have seen the results of her ‘experiments.’ I  _ was _ an experiment, for a time, when I was younger. Whatever’s there, if it’s alive, it is suffering, and I cannot help but think it would be kinder to simply put it out of its misery.”

“Is that what you wish someone had done for you?”

Lotor stopped, shocked and- and  _ Ramil was right _ . He was a very insightful man. “Yes,” he said quietly. “When I was a child, and also… Also more recently.”

Ramil nodded. “And yet you survived.”

“Yes.” He sighed. “When I was a child, I had a governess. My father wasn’t interested in raising me, and my mother was...dead, and anyway, I was a prince. Royal children are often raised by others.”

”Would you like to have been raised by your parents?”

Lotor smiled, a little bitterly. “If I had different parents, maybe. But anyway, my governess… She employed the palen-bol frequently. Are you familiar with it?”

“Yes. Many of my clients were raised Galra.”

“So I learned very young that pain was the price I had to pay for knowledge. That pain would make me stronger, smarter, more resilient. I survived, yes, but I wonder, sometimes, if that was in spite of the pain, and not because of it.” 

* * *

The facility was new. Probably built sometime within the last century or so, and it had not seen much use. 

It was mostly empty. A few sentries patrolled, but all the Druids were gone. They had left evidence of a swift departure, equipment and experiments strewn hastily, some broken and partially destroyed, an incomplete attempt to cover their tracks.

The facility smelled like death.

Or...not death, exactly, but cruelty, suffering. Electrical fires. Ozone. Caustic cleaning solutions.

Keith waited for him at the entrance to the facility, pale and tired. Shiro had already been brought onto the flagship, sedated and in bad shape. Lotor hadn’t expected anything else. 

Keith didn’t want to talk about it, and Lotor understood that, too. 

“Why did you have me come here?” Lotor asked instead.

“This was a cloning facility,” Keith said, distantly, quietly. 

It struck Lotor, not for the first time, just how  _ young _ Keith was. Far too young to have a burden such as this placed on his shoulders. 

“Alright.”

“They...she…cloned him. I don’t even know if that’s the real Shiro, or if…” Keith was too numb to cry right now, and Lotor felt a perverse sort of relief at that. “I just don’t know.”

“How many?” Lotor asked. It didn’t matter, ultimately. The clones would be destroyed, for everyone’s peace of mind. Scans would reveal if the witch had left any hidden surprises in the Shiro that had been taken to the flagship. 

“I… I didn’t count. How could I?”

Lotor was perversely relieved, also, that it was  _ Shiro _ that had been cloned, and not- 

“Was that all?” 

Keith grimaced. “No.” 

Lotor followed Keith down into the deepest recesses of the facility, where the witch would have had her own private labs and the freedom to experiment as she wished, out of sight of even her own Druids. 

Lotor wasn’t sure what was keeping his panic at bay this time, other than maybe his own claws, dug deep into the meat of his palms; pain always kept his mind sharp and clear. 

_ Turn around turn around go back you don’t want to see this you can’t if she didn’t clone you what did she do you already know you can’t see this  _ **_turn back_ **

He did no such thing, of course. He needed to know what Keith had seen. 

There was a small room at the end of the corridor, with a large observation window set into one wall. The lights were all the way up, making Lotor’s eyes water even from the other side of the glass.

That alone had his heart pounding against his ribs, even if he wasn’t-

A piercing wail cut through the oppressive silence, and Lotor’s heart froze.

“ **_No!_ ** ” 


	4. Has Technology Gone Too Far?

Keith had followed Lotor all the way back to his rooms onboard the flagship, where Lotor was currently crouched over the toilet, dry-heaving. 

Lotor only distantly registered that he was pulling Lotor’s hair back from his face. Barely felt him rubbing his back soothingly. 

“I’m sorry,” Keith said quietly when Lotor sat back. He handed Lotor a cup of water, and Lotor rinsed his mouth out. “I probably shouldn’t have just… But I didn’t think and…”

“I’m fine,” Lotor said, despite all the evidence to the contrary. 

“I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“I wish you hadn’t,” Lotor told him, not looking at him. “It would have been better if I never knew.”

The terror and anger he’d felt that day when- when they  _ harvested _ his genes was back, but stronger, because now it was fully realized, taken to its logical conclusion, and-

And there was nothing he could do. If he’d never known, he could have simply destroyed the facility from the flagship, obliterating the clones and...everything else with it. 

Now that he knew… He couldn’t. 

It was just a  _ child _ . A  _ baby _ . It probably couldn’t even walk yet, or talk, or… 

Why had she done it? Was making him suffer not enough for her? Did she have to bring another life into this universe just to torture him? Use it against him? 

(Use it against Sendak, too… The one glimpse Lotor had been able to take proved that much. Genetic recombination, chromosomal splicing, artificial wombs… It was all certainly possible, and Sendak had been just as much a puppet for the witch, if a better kept one. But a gilded cage was still a cage.) 

“What will you do?” Keith asked after several minutes passed.

“I… I don’t know. Send my doctor to make sure it’s healthy, I suppose, and go from there.” 

“Ok.” 

“That’s all you’re going to say about it?”

Keith looked slightly uncomfortable. “It’s not really my business.” 

It wasn’t, and...it was. A child of the emperor was everyone’s business. He knew that much, at least. 

Then again, he wasn’t  _ Keith’s _ emperor. 

He finally managed to look at Keith, really look. Study him shrewdly, as he might have done, Before. “You’re hurt.”

“I’m fine,” Keith said, stopping his hand about halfway to his cheek, where a triangular burn stood out, already leathery. “It doesn’t hurt.”

“That’s a bad sign,” Lotor said. “I’m going to have my doctor look at it.” 

“He won’t ask how, will he? I just…” 

“No. He won’t ask.” It felt strange to be reassuring Keith, when Keith had been reassuring him not five minutes ago. 

Keith didn’t say anything for a long time - _ he’s hurting too reach out help him help you  _ -and Lotor finally got to his feet. 

“Are you ok?” Keith asked abruptly. 

“I will be fine,” Lotor said. He didn’t quite believe it. 

* * *

“Have you visited him?” Ramil asked.

“No, why would I?” Lotor spat. “I didn’t ask for this. I purposefully avoided it for so goddamn long, but they had to take that away from me, too.” 

“It might help, you know. Something good to come out of everything that happened.”

“When it looks just like-“

“It?” 

Lotor grimaced. “When  _ he _ looks just like- like Sendak? No. I can’t.” 

“You’re afraid.”

“Of course I’m afraid! I don’t want to look at this child every fucking day and see the face of my rapist! My torturer! I can’t even say his fucking name most of the time. I can’t let myself think about it. I can’t- I just  _ can’t _ .” 

“So what will you do?” Ramil asked, calm as ever.

It irritated Lotor, that Ramil could be so calm, so passive, so at-ease. Lotor would give just about anything to feel relaxed for a  _ moment _ , and Ramil managed like it was  _ nothing _ . 

Lotor sighed. “I don’t know. The facility will be shut down and destroyed, after the files are uploaded to the flagship. The clones will be destroyed at the same time. I think we would all prefer to have only one Champion out there, especially if that witch is controlling them somehow. 

“The child… I don’t know. If I didn’t know about it- about  _ him _ -then… If Keith hadn’t told me, he would have perished in the destruction of the facility, and that probably would have been the kindest course of action.”

“Why do you feel that way?” 

Lotor didn’t say anything for a few moments.“The reason I never had children was because I didn’t want them to get hurt, and the only way I could prevent that from happening was to simply not have any. People have been trying to use and abuse me for thousands of years, but I’m an adult. I can take care of myself. An innocent, defenseless child… It would be so easy for someone to use any child I had against me. Hurt them in order to hurt me. 

“All of that is still true, especially with the witch still out there somewhere. She  _ created _ him, probably with the intention of controlling me or Sendak or both. So…”

“But he’s here.”

“For now. I’ve been kidnapped. People have tried to assassinate me. I’ve been...tortured. Raped. Starved, beaten… I don’t want to watch a child  _ -any _ child -go through that. Much less one in my care.”

“You doubt your ability to protect someone else.”

“I couldn’t even protect myself.” 

“You can try again.” Ramil said. “It’s not over yet. You can do better. With him.”

Lotor laughed bitterly. “I can’t even look at him because it makes me literally  _ ill _ . Please, tell me how I’m supposed to raise a child like that.” 


	5. Be The Person You Needed When You Were Younger

A week passed, and Shiro showed no sign of waking up from his coma. 

Lotor stood in the doorway of the private room Shiro was in, making no move to announce his presence. 

Keith was with Shiro. He spent a lot of time here, sitting in a chair pulled up to the bedside, holding Shiro’s flesh hand in both of his, talking quietly, as if Shiro would hear him and wake. 

He wouldn’t; the scans showed no brain activity above the brainstem. The body was alive, but it was an empty shell. 

Lotor was too weak to tell Keith that. 

It was clear that Keith was close to Shiro, and as long as Shiro -his body, anyway -was here, he’d stay. He’d spent two years looking for Shiro, after all; he wouldn’t give up so easily. 

And maybe… Keith loved Shiro. Lotor wasn’t quite sure he believed in love anymore, but he almost could, just watching Keith look at Shiro. 

_ no one will ever look at you like that you can never have this you will live alone and die alone and be forgotten and no one will mourn for you hate him because he has this and you never will  _

Lotor turned at the sound of approaching footsteps. “Dr. Arnok. I hope you have good news,” he said quietly, so as not to disturb Keith’s vigil. 

“About Shiro? No, I’m afraid not. No, actually, Sire,” he said, with an apologetic cough, “I had hoped I might have a moment of your time?”

Lotor’s fingers tingled relentlessly. “Of course.” He pulled the doctor aside. 

“The, uh, child,” Dr. Arnok began. “His health is declining.”

“Declining?” Lotor asked. “Is he ill?”

“No, Sire. At least, not in the conventional sense. But he’s… He’s not eating. He  _ won’t _ eat. We may have to tube feed him if it-“

“No!” Lotor said sharply, then flushed. “No. Find another way.”

“That’s why I’m here, Sire. Young children are very sensitive to those around them, and they… They know their parents. He needs you, Sire, and I know that the circumstances are not ideal, but-“

“ _ ‘Not ideal _ ’?” Lotor hissed. “May I remind you that his father was the man who-“

“He is your son, too,” Arnok replied quietly. “You are his father, too.”

Lotor flexed his hands a few times, before finally saying, “I will consider it.”

* * *

“I’m afraid,” Lotor said quietly. “So...terrified. I don’t- I’ve never been around children. I don’t- I can’t- and I’ll just… He needs someone better, someone who knows what to do-“

“Take a deep breath,” Ramil said. “Everyone is afraid of parenthood, and you certainly have more reason than most, but you don’t have to let that stop you.”

“I- Everytime I think about him… I can only see Sendak, and it’s not fair to him. It’s not his fault. He didn’t ask to be made. He deserves someone who can love him.”

“You could,” Ramil insisted gently. “You should see him and get to know him as his own person. You only saw him the once, right?”

Lotor nodded. “It made me ill. I  _ vomited _ after. How  _ damaged _ is he going to be?”

“Many of my clients have children that are product of rape. With the right parental support, those children grow up just fine. He just needs love.”

“I don’t know why we’re having this conversation in the first place,” Lotor said abruptly. “It’s not as if I need to raise him myself. I could give him up for adoption, and even if I didn’t, most royal children are raised by a nanny until they’re old enough for a governess. It’s not as if I have  _ time _ to raise a child. The universe is in shambles. I’m trying to negotiate my way out of a war on infinite fronts because Sendak’s aggression was only outmatched by my father’s. The Coalition consists of three planets, one Balmera, and four-fifths of Voltron. I have no idea where the Black Lion is, but I suspect the witch has it. Olkarion is  _ gone _ . I have far too much to do, without adding a child into the mix.”

“And yet you brought it up.” 

He had. 

“Do you want to know what I think?” Ramil continued. “I think you are afraid of becoming your father.”

Of course he was. “Please tell me something I don’t know.”

“There’s a difference between becoming  _ a _ father and becoming  _ your _ father. You've spent how long trying to be better than he was?”

“Centuries,” Lotor said quietly. 

“This is just one more opportunity you have to prove that you aren't him. You  _ can _ do better. You can let the cycle end with you.”

It sounded so nice. “I’m...frightened,” Lotor whispered. 

“You don’t want someone to depend on you, because you’re not even sure if you can depend on yourself.”

Lotor nodded.

“You don’t have to do it alone,” Ramil said. “If you need help, you just have to ask for it. You already have. That’s why I’m here. The first time is always the hardest, and I promise you that it will get easier.”

“I- I will try to remember that. Thank you, Doctor.” 

* * *

It was incredibly late, but Lotor couldn’t sleep. That wasn’t unusual, these days; his sleeping medication made him too drowsy in the morning for it to be worth taking, so Dr. Arnok was looking into finding a different, more effective one.

In the meantime… He spent a lot of time on the training deck. He was slowly regaining muscle mass. It would take time to get back to his previous shape, but he could see the progress he was making already, and that was something.

Tonight, though… He’d overdone it. Every muscle and joint ached. Errant spasms in his arms and hands had caused him to drop his sword twice before he finally called it a night. 

His body was exhausted, but his mind wouldn’t settle. That wasn’t new, either; even during the happier times in his life, he often had sleep problems because he got too involved in a project to sleep until it was finished. 

It was different, now. He had trouble sleeping because he needed someone next to him, and there was no one he trusted enough to share his bed. He needed -craved -personal contact, but he couldn’t ask for it. 

Keith… Keith was busy, and anyway… 

_ why would he ever want you he has enough problems he doesn’t need yours  _

He found himself outside the makeshift nursery.

The child didn’t have a name, just a subject number, because no one had given him one.

There was still the possibility that Lotor might send him off to be adopted someplace far, far away, as another unknown child victim of the war. Maybe that would be the kindest course of action, and if so, it was kindest to himself to remain unattached. 

He wailed, though, and it grated on Lotor’s ears, but also… 

He couldn’t take it anymore. He entered the nursery. 

“ _ What _ is going on here?” He demanded. He was aware that babies cried, sometimes for unknowable and arcane reasons, but really. These were supposed to be professionals. 

He ignored them, drawn to the cradle, afraid and reluctant and unable to stop himself.

It was strange. 

Like… maybe, somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembered...this. 

Not  _ this _ , exactly, of course. But

_ Lying in a cradle, crying for someone to care for him, small and helpless and utterly alone, surrounded by people who didn’t care and never would… _

He reached out tentatively and stroked one finger across the downy fur on the side of the baby’s face.

He was so... _ small _ . 

He stopped screaming, as if startled by the touch, and turned his huge, golden eyes up at Lotor, reaching out in return. 

Lotor flinched back, and the baby’s face crumpled, and he started to bawl again.

Without thinking, Lotor picked him up, setting him against his shoulder, both hands supporting him. He wasn’t heavy -in fact, some instinct told Lotor that he wasn’t heavy  _ enough _ -but it felt necessary, to have as much contact with him as possible. 

“Hush, Little One, you’re alright,” Lotor murmured, stroking the soft white crest of fur that extended from the top of his head to halfway down his back. “I know, I know… Life is terribly unfair, but hush now, it’s late…”

“Sire? He’s, uh, probably hungry,” one of the attendants said. 

“I know,” Lotor murmured. He hadn’t forgotten about Dr. Arnok’s report from a few days ago. “I’ll feed him.” 

A bottle was pressed into the hand he held out, and he sank into a chair in one corner, completely unable to take his eyes off this...creature.

Not so different than him, really. Children no one wanted, but had to suffer through life anyway. Children to be used and discarded as it suited those around them. Unnatural children -one of the Rift, one of the lab -who shouldn’t have existed in the first place.

“It will be different,” Lotor said quietly, adjusting his hold on the child so he could feed him. “I am not the man I wish to be. Not yet. But I will try. I will give you a better life than anyone gave me. I swear it.”

Of course the baby had no idea what he was saying; he just nursed from the bottle, so quickly that Lotor had to pull it away several times.

“You’ll make yourself sick,” Lotor told him. “Slow down, Little One. I’m not going anywhere.” 

He wasn’t, he realized. There was no way he could give this child up now, no way he could hand him off to a nanny, no way he could send him away to be raised by strangers, ignorant of who he was…

When the bottle was empty, Lotor placed it on the floor by his feet. The attendants had left at some point, and now he was alone with this child.

_ His son.  _

His son, with whom he was immediately and devastatingly enamored. He understood the witch’s plan better than he had before. 

He would not let her turn this precious, innocent thing into a weapon, and that was all there was to it. 

The baby turned his golden eyes back up to Lotor, blinking a few times, and yawned. He didn’t have any teeth yet, and Lotor didn’t know much about babies, but he thought he was still pretty young. Less than a year old, certainly. 

Lotor was still not completely certain on the timeline of Events during his...captivity, but…

No, he didn’t want to think of that. Not while holding his son. His son, who, now that he’d been fed and was being held,  started purring, startlingly loud for such a small thing.

Holding him was… such a natural thing, an easy thing. 

The baby fell asleep, still purring, and suddenly...the universe was quiet, Lotor’s mind was quiet, and he slept.


	6. Pride Is Not The Word I’m Looking For

Lotor woke up stiff, but more well-rested than he had been  in...years. Decades, maybe. Possibly longer.

The baby was fussing and pulling on Lotor’s hair, which was what had apparently woken him up. 

Lotor glanced at the clock on the wall. Early, but not unreasonably so. 

“Are you hungry, Little One?” Lotor asked, standing. Not that the baby could understand, of course, but he’d read somewhere that talking to babies was helpful for their language acquisition.

Oh, he was really doing this, wasn’t he? 

He was, and… Holding this sweet child, it seemed like the right thing to do. 

That, he knew, was probably due to the pheromones Galra babies gave off, designed specifically to target their parents, making it almost impossible for a parent to abandon their child.

_ Almost _ being the operative word. 

Maybe he’d been hasty last night. His brain had been swamped with chemicals he’d never experienced and had no defense against. Maybe he should...spend some time away, think about this logically. Decide the best thing to do, regardless of… 

The baby yanked a little harder on Lotor’s hair, and Lotor tried to untangle his hand, only to have the baby latch onto his finger instead.

He was tiny. His fingers reached all the way around Lotor’s, but just barely. He hadn’t learned how to control his claws yet, so they still came out whenever he flexed his fingers, but the claws themselves were soft enough that they didn’t really hurt. 

A child this young wouldn’t need claws; they would always be protected by a parent. 

An attendant came in, and Lotor had to bite his tongue to keep from hissing at him. It was instinctual, to not want unfamiliar people around his child. 

“Good morning, Sire. Just fixing his bottle. Will you be feeding him today?”

“Yes,” Lotor said, as if he had a choice in the matter. The bond between a child and its parents was, allegedly, one of the strongest forces in the universe, and he was starting to believe it now. 

The baby nursed just as eagerly as he had last night, and purred again when he was done. 

Lotor tried to put him back in the cradle, but he cried when Lotor set him down. 

It was a truly heartbreaking sound. 

Instead, Lotor held him against his shoulder again. He couldn’t stay here all day, after all, and if the baby wouldn’t settle without him… Then the solution was simple. 

No one said anything about the baby napping in Lotor’s arms, although he knew they would probably whisper about it out of his hearing. 

He would have to make an announcement soon, wouldn’t he? Claim this child as his own, make him a legitimate heir. 

He’d need a name, first. 

* * *

“He’s cute,” Keith said.

He still hadn’t left Shiro’s bedside, but Lotor had decided to check in on him, and of course he brought the baby with him. 

If things were different, Lotor probably would have offered to let Keith hold him. As it was, he didn’t quite feel the need to protect his son from Keith, so that was something. 

He had the sense that Keith would be reviled by even the idea of harming a child. 

“He is,” Lotor agreed. 

“So you’re keeping him after all,” Keith said finally, studying the baby, who was intently studying Keith back. “Does he have a name yet?”

“No, not yet.” 

Keith was silent for a while, and Lotor was content to wait.

“Shiro’s not going to wake up, is he?” Keith said finally, softly. 

“No,” Lotor admitted. 

“I knew,” Keith said. “He’s just...empty. There’s nothing there.”

“The scans don’t show any activity above the brainstem.” 

“It doesn’t feel right to see him like this. He can’t just be...gone. After everything, it can’t end like this.” 

“It’s not over,” Lotor said softly. “The body is alive and functioning. If there was some way to… find his… soul, his life force, then maybe…”

“That’s impos-“ Keith began to say, but then he leapt up urgently. “You’re a genius, Lotor!”

Which, Lotor had known, but it was nice to hear someone else say it. “Oh?”

“We need to find the Black Lion.”

“The witch probably has it,” Lotor reminded him. “And I haven’t the faintest idea of where she might be.” And then...he frowned. “No… that’s not right. I have one idea, but I don’t know if we can get there.”

“I don’t care. We have to try something. After everything Shiro’s done for me… I have to do  _ something _ .” 

The pleading, hopeless, desperate expression of pure love on Keith’s face was what convinced Lotor. In that moment… There were exactly two people in the universe he’d give his life for, if it meant seeing them happy, and his son was only one of them. “Alright.”


	7. Just Another Death-Defying Experience

“We need the Black Lion anyway,” Lotor said. “Voltron cannot be formed without it.”

“How are you going to get the Lion from Haggar?” Ramil asked.

“Keith can fly it. Or least, he used to be able to fly it. We locate the Lion, he goes in, he comes out. Easy enough.”

“In abstract,” Ramil said.

“Obviously there’s more to it than that,” Lotor said, rolling his eyes. “But planning this sort of thing does not make me anxious. Actually… Now that I have something useful to do, I’m… invigorated.”

“Then why did you bring it up?” Ramil asked. 

Lotor shrugged. “It was on my mind.” 

“It involves Keith.”

“Of course,” Lotor said dismissively. “I doubt the Black Lion would let  _ me _ play paladin.” 

“That’s why you brought it up: you want to talk about Keith.”

“I- No, that’s- that’s ridiculous. I do  _ not _ want to talk about Keith.” 

“It’s perfectly fine if you do,” Ramil said. “It even makes sense. He gave you what you needed in order to save yourself.”

Lotor flushed and looked away. “He- I… It’s complicated. I don’t know if what I feel is real, or if it’s only because of...what happened.”

“And what do you feel?”

“I trust him. I don’t know why, but I do. And it’s not just because he was there, although maybe that’s...part of it. If someone else had shown up and convinced me to… free myself, I wouldn’t trust them now.”

“So it’s something about Keith.”

Lotor nodded. 

“But there’s more to it than that.”

Lotor put his head in his hands. “I want him. Maybe I...need him. But I can’t. Not now, maybe not ever. He has Shiro, after all. I’ve never seen such devotion before. It’s…unnerving, but…”

“But you want that, too. You want him to look at you like that.”

“Yes,” Lotor whispered. “But I think, if I ever had such a thing, either I would destroy it, or it would destroy me.”

* * *

Lotor stood at the edge of the observation deck. It was late, but of course that had no bearing on the view in front of him. 

He held his son so he could look out at the stars and nebulae and all the beautiful things the universe had to offer. 

“One day,” Lotor began, softly, because this moment felt too private for raised, carrying voices, “ all this will be yours, and I hope to leave it a better place than it was when I became Emperor. It won’t be easy, but I will do it for you, Little One. 

“I can’t protect you from everything, but… I will be a better father to you than my father was to me. I can give you that much, at least. I would do anything for you, my son, my little prince. You have such power over me already and it...it scares me. But I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want to give you a beautiful, happy life. A childhood free of fear and pain. The childhood that I never had. 

“But first, Little One, I must give you a name. A name for a prince of the Galra. A name, one day, for an emperor of the Galra. A name that suits you, one that you will like and wear with pride. 

“So, in the sight of all the stars of the heavens… I name you Rallir, Prince of the Galra, and my only son.”

Prince Rallir tugged on Lotor’s hair. He really was going to have to start wearing it up or something. 

Lotor gave him a few fingers to grab instead, and even let Rallir bite and drool on them. It was impossible to be angry with him, especially when he cooed and purred and made other baby noises.

“I’m not… There are far better fathers in the universe, Little One, but you are stuck with me, so...I will do my absolute best to do right by you.” Lotor pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, a benediction, a way to seal his promise, an expression of just how much Rallir affected him. 

* * *

“The witch will be in Oriande,” Lotor told Keith. “The journey there may be dangerous.”

“I don’t care.”

Lotor nodded. “We won’t be able to go into Oriande itself. At least, you will definitely be unable to enter the gates.”

“Why?” Keith demanded.

“The city only opens for sacred Alteans.”

Keith frowned thoughtfully. “So… what do we do, then?”

“She’d have to leave her ship behind, and, ultimately, without her onboard, it should be easier for you to sneak aboard and retrieve the Lion.”

Keith nodded. “I assume you’ll provide a distraction if necessary.”

“Of course.” Lotor shifted Rallir onto his shoulder. “We must go through the Patrulian Zone in order to get there. Have you heard of it?”

“No,” Keith admitted.

“That’s because no one in their right mind would go through it. Unfortunately, we have no choice; Oriande is somewhere within it.” 

“Great,” Keith said. “What’s one more death-defying experience?”

Lotor paused and looked down as Keith. “Shiro saved my life, too,” he said finally. 

“Is that why you’re helping me? I mean, you don’t have to go with me. If you give me the coordinates, I’ll figure out the rest myself.”

“It’s...one of the reasons,” Lotor said. “I do owe him this much, I think. I convinced him to take me to the Kral Zera, so…”

“That wasn’t your fault.”

“I am not entirely blameless, either, so let me atone. He wouldn’t want you to go alone, would he?”

Keith scoffed. “He wouldn’t want me to go at all. Wouldn’t want us to waste the time trying to bring him back. Unfortunately for him, I don’t know when to quit.”

“Ah, I was wondering what Galra traits you possessed.” It was barely a joke, but Keith smiled softly anyway. Lotor continued, more seriously: “Let me help you help him. I didn’t know him very well, not as well as you do, but...he is a good man, and I can tell he means a great deal to you.”

“He does,” Keith said finally. “I wouldn’t have gotten this far without him.”

Lotor nodded. “I’ll have the bridge set a new course.”


	8. Like Father, Like Son

“I’m quite pleased with his progress, Sire,” Dr. Arnok said.

    Lotor was not about to tell Arnok that he’d been right -that all Rallir needed was a little affection -but...he had been right. “About how old is he, Doctor?”

    “Seven and a half months. He’s a little small for his age, but that’s to be expected, given his heritage and his early life. Still, he’s one of the healthiest children I’ve ever seen.”

    “Hm,” Lotor said. Rallir was in his lap, fussing, because he didn’t like doctors, and frankly, Lotor didn’t blame him.

    “Then again, Sire, I am not a pediatrician, and as I’m sure you’re aware, most hybrids have a variety of ailments early in life.”

    “But my son is alright?”

    “He’s in perfect health.” Arnok pulled up another set of scans. “How are you doing, Sire?”

    “Better,” Lotor said. “I…” He rolled his shoulders , and he felt the scar tissue pulling uncomfortably. “I require advice on regaining the elasticity of scarred tissue.”

    “Ah…” Dr. Arnok considered something. “It may be best, Sire, to consider complete removal of the scars in question, given how extensive they are.” He coughed apologetically. “It may also be best to, ah, start with a clean slate, as it were.”

    “The procedure is…?”

    “Uninvasive. You would have to lie down, and a series of lasers would do the work. I have the equipment here, if that’s what you decide.”

    “I will consider it,” Lotor said, readjusting Rallir. It was nearly time for his bottle.

    “Otherwise, how is your health?”

    “As well as can be expected.”

    Arnok nodded. “The scans show greatly reduced inflammation, so it seems you will make a full physical recovery.”

    His pain had lessened, but it certainly hadn’t disappeared completely; perhaps that, too, would take time. “That is good news,” Lotor said, rising. “Thank you, Doctor.”

* * *

 

    Lotor jolted awake with a scream, the half-remembered dream already fading from his mind. That didn’t slow his heart, though; didn’t help him catch his breath.

    He reached up with one shaky hand, feeling for the collar that was no longer there.

    The other side of the bed was cold and empty.

    His scream had woken Rallir, who was now crying.

    Lotor pushed aside the remnants of his nightmare and got to his feet.

    He scooped Rallir up out of the cradle and held him close. “I’m sorry, Little One. I didn’t mean to wake you. Shh, you’re alright…”

    Eventually, Rallir did settle down, but he didn’t seem sleepy anymore. Lotor sighed. “You’re really going to develop such poor sleeping habits this early in your life?”

    Rallir gurgled happily.

    The phrase “like father, like son” had too much baggage for Lotor to use, but, in this instance, it did fit.

    Lotor wasn’t going to get back to sleep at this rate anyway. “Well, if you’re going to stay awake with me, you’re going to have to help me with these tax reforms.” His scratched the underside of Rallir’s chin, making him giggle.

    He was such an adorable child, despite everything.

    If circumstances were different… Maybe he would have chosen to bring a child like this into the universe.

    That choice had been taken from him, but it wasn’t Rallir’s fault. It wasn’t fair for Lotor to blame him for this, and it wasn’t fair to compare him to Sendak, ever.

    It had hurt so much to be compared to his own father; he wouldn’t do that to this sweet, innocent child.

    He settled at his desk, with Rallir’s head on his shoulder, working and reading out loud, softly, to him. It was all very dry tax law, but the tone was more important than the actual words, and Rallir drifted off, eventually, his ears twitching in his sleep.

    He was old enough now to cling to whatever he got his hands on, if not strong enough to actually climb anything. It was convenient, because it freed up Lotor’s hands, but…

    Some part of him wanted Rallir to stay like this forever. He didn’t want Rallir to grow up, because then… Then Rallir would have questions, questions that either Lotor couldn’t answer or were too painful for him to answer.

    That wasn’t the only reason, of course. In other circumstances, maybe he would have surrounded himself with babies. He liked this. It made him content and fulfilled in a way that nothing else ever had.

    Perhaps that was only the pheromones.

    Lotor let Rallir cling to his shirt while he slept; he always seemed to sleep better if he had some contact with Lotor, and Lotor found his presence...comforting. It gave him _purpose_.

    The noble ideas of his youth, the ones that drove his pragmatic policy-making of today, were still there, of course. But now… he wasn’t just doing things because they were the right thing to do. He was doing them, also, for Rallir, so his son would never know the horrors he had faced.

    He nuzzled the top of Rallir’s head, and Rallir purred in his sleep. Lotor smiled, feeling, for the first time in a very long time, genuinely happy.    


	9. The Other Shoe

The Patrulian Zone was…. basically a ship graveyard. Certainly one of the best places to hide an ancient, near-mythical city you didn’t want the unworthy wandering into. 

After all, anyone who wandered in unwittingly was unlikely to ever come out again.

Haggar had apparently considered that, as well. Or her commanders had, at least, and thus, her fleet -small, but larger than Lotor would have liked -floated just beyond the edge of the graveyard. 

“The Black Lion’s on that main ship, there,” Keith said, pointing at the image on the holoscreen. 

Lotor studied the screen a little longer. “It will be dangerous.”

“I’ve put myself in far more dangerous situations,” Keith said, and it was impossible to tell if he was joking or not. Probably not. “Besides, you promised me a distraction.”

“I did,” Lotor said with a sigh. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to do it. For Keith, he would. It was just... putting Rallir in even the slightest bit of possible danger made his hackles rise. “You may have to approach from behind; once the battle begins, their focus and their particle barriers will be directed this way.”

“I’m a passable pilot,” Keith said, and Lotor had the sense that it was an understatement. “I’ll be fine.”

“Very well; get down to the launch bay. Commander, hail the main ship.” 

Keith nodded and turned to leave, but before he could, Lotor said, “Keith? Be safe.”

Keith turned back, a lopsided grin making him look even younger than he actually was. “You too.”

Lotor returned the grin, then redirected his attention to the displays. He had a battle to direct; this strange protectiveness he felt would have to wait. 

* * *

Keith raced down to the launch bay, running to something, but also...running  _ from _ something. 

He still wasn’t sure why he’d agreed to come back after he found Shiro, much less why he’d actually done it.

Other than Shiro himself, of course; he’d needed medical attention, and Lotor was the only one close enough to offer it. 

But… He’d wanted to, even before he found Shiro. 

He didn’t understand why. Was it only because he hadn’t had any physical contact with anyone in years, and then Lotor had  _ offered _ and-? 

It hadn’t been sex, but it was still good. Maybe better than sex, honestly, just...being touched, without violence or expectation. 

But… Lotor wasn’t  _ well _ . He acted more like what Keith had expected of him, but he could tell he was barely holding himself together, and it wouldn’t be right to take advantage of that, no matter what Lotor thought he wanted. 

There was also the matter of Keith’s not-inconsiderable crush on Shiro. At this point, it went beyond a crush. You didn’t fight against all odds, cross the universe, exhaust all possibilities for a crush. For simple infatuation.

If-  _ when _ -Shiro woke up, Keith was going to tell him how he felt, while they were both in their right minds. 

But first, he had to retrieve the Black Lion. 

* * *

The battle/distraction was going remarkably well, which meant it was nearly time for the other shoe to drop. A cynical view, perhaps, but you didn’t live for ten thousand years without becoming at least a little pessimistic. 

“Sire, there’s been an unauthorized entry into the rear launch bay.”

Ah...There is was. The other shoe. 

Lotor frowned. “Has the situation been contained?”

“The ship was apparently empty, Sire.”

Empty? No. Unlikely. The pilot had simply remained unseen. “You have the bridge, Commander,” Lotor said, swallowing his panic. He couldn’t afford to give into it right now.

The rear launch bay was the closest to the residential areas of the ship, which were also the most well-armored areas.

Which was why Lotor had left his son in his rooms, under the care of an attendant, as opposed to having him with him on the admittedly more exposed bridge during a battle. 

Once Lotor got to an empty corridor, he ran. He didn’t know, for certain, if his fears were reasonable. Maybe he was just too suspicious, too anxious. Maybe it was nothing.

But he couldn’t take that chance. 

The sentries guarding his door were lying in heaps, not torn apart, not blown apart, just neatly decapitated, likely by a smooth, twisting motion. 

The door was open, almost inviting. The culprit was waiting for him. She knew he’d come here.

He took one of the sentries’ blasters. It wasn’t his weapon of choice, but he wasn’t fit enough to sword fight someone. Not yet. This would have to do. 

She still wore his colors, and it was impossible to say if it was meant to be some sort of sick joke or not. For two years he’d languished under Sendak’s care, and not once had any attempt been made to help him, but as soon as he was free, as soon as he had custody of his son, here she was.

Standing in front of the cradle, cooing softly to his son, was Ezor. 

It had to be her, of course. Axca might be too easily swayed back to his side, and Zethrid’s strengths did not lie in infiltration and stealth. 

And also...she’d been raised by her mother’s people, and their culture had vastly different views on children than the Galra did. Axca and Zethrid would at least think twice before harming a child, but Ezor… she might not. 

“Ezor…”

“So you finally showed up. Took you long enough. We’ve only been waiting here for… four months now?” She turned around, finally, Rallir in her arms. He wasn’t crying, but he was fussy and covered in blood.

The attendant lay dead in one corner of the room, surrounded by a pool of his own blood. Hopefully, that was where the blood had come from.

“Put him down, Ezor.”

“I don’t take orders from you anymore.” She looked down at Rallir. “At least he doesn’t cry as much as he used to. Drove me crazy, but the High Priestess said we couldn’t throw him out of the airlock.”

She grinned at Lotor, a malicious grin, one that made him sick. 

“Ezor, please.”

“Here’s what’s gonna happen,” she said sharply. “You’re gonna tell everyone on this ship to stand down, and I’m gonna walk right on out of here, and your precious son doesn’t get hurt.”

Lotor growled. “If something happens to him, I will hunt you down. As long as it takes. I will find you, and I will  _ end you _ .” 

“Oh,” she laughed. “You do care about someone! I was wondering. You have to be really callous to murder someone in cold blood, don’t you? I learned that from you, Lotor.”

“She asked me to,” Lotor said. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“No, I guess not. I don’t understand how you could just- She was your friend, Lotor! We were all your friends, and if you turned on her…” She grimaced. “It would only be a matter of time before you turned on us, too.”

“I’ll do whatever you want, Ezor, just leave him out of it.”

She laughed again. “This is what I want. I want you to know what it’s like to lose someone, and if this is the only person you care about…”

“He’s not,” Lotor said, desperately. “Please, Ezor, I’m begging you:  _ don’t do this _ .” 

“Sorry, Lotor. This is the way it has to be. But don’t worry. I don’t think the High Priestess is planning on hurting him. Too much.”

There was nothing else he could do. He couldn’t talk her down, couldn’t get her to turn. Couldn’t risk his son by doing something stupid. 

At the very least, the witch had to know that he would be useless if he was dead. Her life would be forfeit, hers and everyone associated with her, if his son died in her care. 

“Drop the gun, Lotor,” she said, “and get out of my way.”

He did, holding his hands up and away from his body, a universal gesture of “I’m not going to try anything; I am not a threat”. “Please,” he said one last time, for all the good it would do.  

She just laughed and strode past him.

She was almost out the door when Rallir finally decided that he’d had enough. He bit Ezor’s arm, and despite his lack of teeth, it at least startled her. 

“Brat,” she hissed, temporarily distracted.

It wasn’t much of an opportunity, but Lotor didn’t need one. 

He dove for the blaster, and then it was pressed to the side of her head, and he had his other arm around her neck. Overkill, perhaps, but she’d been trying to kidnap his son. 

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” Lotor said, unable to keep the low growl out of his voice. “You are going to put my son on the floor. Gently.”

She hesitated, then did as he asked, slowly and awkwardly, because his arm was still around her throat. 

Rallir pulled himself into a sitting position, and, for the moment, he seemed uninjured. Good enough for now. Priorities.

“Now, you are going to leave this ship. You are going to deliver a message from me, to the witch. You tell her that if she ever pulls this again, I will kill her. No mercy, no hesitation. If  _ you _ ever come near my son again, you will regret it. Am I clear?”

“Yes, sir,” she snapped.

He kept the blaster pressed to her head as he used his other hand to methodically disarm her, pulling out various knives from their hiding places and dropping them on the floor. She was still dangerous without them, but he had the blaster. 

He shoved her forward. “Hands up.”

She raised her hands over her head. He could see her jaw clenching and unclenching. She wasn’t happy about this, but that was too fucking bad. 

“Now go.” 

By this point, the broken sentries had alerted the guards, and they were waiting outside his quarters.

“Escort her off the ship,” Lotor said coldly. “Be careful. She’s sneaky.” But not sneaky enough.

The guards cuffed her and marched her off. There were two more guards waiting for orders. 

“I am not to be disturbed,” Lotor said. “No one enters these quarters without my express permission.”

“Yes, sire.” 

Lotor closed and locked the door behind him. The adrenaline was slowly being filtered out of his system, and he was...exhausted, but he had to check on Rallir first.

Rallir was still sitting on the floor where Ezor had left him. He was still upset, and Lotor scooped him up without a second thought. 

“You’re alright,” Lotor murmured, rubbing his back. He wished he could purr for him, but he couldn’t, anymore. He’d tried, but he just...couldn’t. Still, the physical touch should be enough. 

Rallir sniffed and pressed his face into Lotor’s shoulder.

“I know, Little One. That was terribly scary, I know. But you’re alright now. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.” 

Finally, Rallir seemed soothed enough for Lotor to actually inspect him. There was blood matting his fur, but a closer examination proved that it wasn’t his. So he wasn’t hurt, just scared. 

Understandable. Now that it was over, now that he didn’t need to focus, Lotor’s heart was in his throat. He didn’t know what he would have done if Ezor had succeeded. If Rallir had been hurt, or… or worse. 

Lotor pulled him close again, nuzzling the top of his head, a simple act to reassure them both that they were alright. That the worst had been avoided. 

* * *

Keith felt exhilarated, coming back from the hangar, where the Black Lion was now safely parked. He was always hyped up after a victory, but it was especially intense this time: after two years of searching, he had the Black Lion back, and maybe there was something they could do for Shiro, and it all felt like he was taking steps in the right direction. 

He went to see Lotor, first.

“The emperor is not to be disturbed,” the guard said. 

“Can you tell him I’m back at least?” Keith asked.

The guards exchanged glances. “Sure.”

The first guard brought up a display from his wristband and sent out a quick message; an answering chime came back moments later. “He said to go right in.”

“Thanks,” Keith said. 

Lotor’s quarters were dark, the lights almost all the way off, and very quiet. 

“Keith?” Lotor said, from a sofa in the main room. 

“Hey,” Keith said. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m back, and that I have the Black Lion.”

Lotor nodded. The baby -Rallir- was dozing against his chest, and honestly, Keith had never thought that Lotor would have a soft side like this. “You’re uninjured?”

“Yeah. It was easier than I thought it would be.”

“It was a trap,” Lotor said. “But not one intended for you.” The protective way he curled around Rallir made sense, now.

“What happened?” Keith asked. 

“An old associate of mine tried to kidnap my son,” Lotor said. “I dealt with it.”

“Well, that’s...good.” 

Lotor hummed. “It wouldn’t matter if we had the Black Lion, as long as they had some way to control me. If they had my son… I would be completely unable to disobey them, and they know that.”

It was strange, to Keith, that Lotor was so willing to admit this perceived weakness about himself. 

“You really care about him, don’t you?” Keith asked finally. He didn’t have to; it was clear from the way Lotor looked at him, held him, spoke about him. 

“Yes,” Lotor whispered. “More than I’ve ever cared about anyone or anything.”

“Oh,” Keith said.  

“There’s no one else to care for him,” Lotor said, “and...he… I can’t redo my childhood and make it better, but I can… I can make his good. Better than mine. If they would just let me.”

”Oh,” Keith said again. He didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t know much about Lotor, especially not his childhood, and he didn’t know that this soft, vulnerable side was here, and he… He knew what it was like to have no one. “I get it.”

Lotor looked up at him, his expression for once open and soft and raw, and smiled, a little sadly. “You don’t have to be alone, either,” he said so softly that Keith barely heard him. “You can stay for tonight, and in the morning, we’ll help Shiro.”

”Like last time, right?” Keith asked. He’d liked it, probably more than he should, but it was nice to just be close to someone. 

“Yes,” Lotor said. 


	10. Black Paladins

Keith sat upright, wide awake before he was aware of the situation. Years of war had taught him that much. 

He couldn’t see very well in the dark room, but he heard a baby crying and someone’s ragged breathing over the sound of his pounding heart.

Baby? That would be Rallir. Was that what had woken Keith up?

No. No, he didn’t think so.

Lotor was huddled up on the far side of the bed, sitting up and hugging his knees to his chest. He was panting as if he’d just run a marathon.

”Lotor?” Keith asked softly. This was the first time he’d done this for Lotor, but not the first time he’d done it ever. 

Lotor’s eyes snapped up, wide and glowing in the dark room, and then he squeezed them shut and- was he crying? 

Keith’s eyes had adjusted further, and he could see Lotor’s shoulders shaking minutely, and he could hear the tiny, gasping breaths.

“Hey, Lotor, you’re alright. Do you know where you are?”

Lotor shook his head, just once. 

“You’re aboard the Imperial Flagship. Do you remember?”

Another head shake. 

“It’s been five weeks since the Kral Zera. Do you remember that?”

A pause, and then a nod.

“You are the Emperor of the Galra now.”

A nod.

“You killed Sendak. Do you remember?”

A choked-off sob, and then another nod. 

It was maybe helping, but… Maybe what Lotor really needed was something else to focus on. Keith stood, stretched his back, and then, doubting himself just a little, went over to the cradle where Rallir was still crying.

He’d quieted down a little, but he was still upset at being awakened so abruptly. Keith assumed; he didn’t know much about babies. 

Keith picked him up, and he stopped crying immediately, blinking with his huge golden eyes, as if to say, “Who are you and how dare you touch me?” 

Keith sat down next to Lotor, very carefully not touching him. “Hey, Lotor? I think this little guy needs you right now.”

The baby was pretty cute, actually. Very fussy, but also cute. 

Lotor took Rallir from Keith with extremely gentle hands, cradling him with the expertise Keith lacked. Lotor rubbed his cheek against the top of Rallir’s head; he quieted down immediately and began purring like a jet engine. 

(How the hell did such a little thing make that much noise? But it was soothing, unlike his crying.) 

It took a few minutes of Lotor’s nuzzling and Rallir’s purring, but finally Lotor seemed like he was more-or-less back to his usual self. 

“I’m sorry if I woke you,” he said finally.

“It’s ok,” Keith said. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” Lotor said. “It was just a dream.”

“It upset you pretty badly.”

Lotor grimaced. “Most of my dreams do, these days. For now, let’s just say that I needed to be reminded that Sendak is dead.”

“Oh,” Keith said, looking down at his hands. “If there’s anything I can do for you…”

“Just...having you here is enough, for now. Thank you. And thank you for bringing Rallir to me.”

“Yeah, he sounded pretty upset, and I don’t really know what to do with babies, so…”

“He’s a light sleeper,” Lotor said fondly, smiling down at his son, “aren’t you, Little One?”

It was fucking adorable. Something about this surprising tenderness did something to Keith. He wasn’t going to name it. Not now. “You’re feeling better?”

“Yes, Keith. Thank you.” He paused, looking as if he wanted to say something more, but he just shook his head. “You should go back to sleep. It’s late.”

Keith nodded and went back to his side of the bed. “You too.”

“I will. Thank you again, Keith.” 

* * *

Keith woke first the next morning. 

Lotor had, at some point, put Rallir back in his cradle. He had also curled up against Keith’s back, presumably in his sleep. 

Or maybe not; Keith wasn’t going to pretend he knew what was going on in Lotor’s head. 

There was no way he was going to get out of this without waking Lotor up. 

This was gonna be awkward. Not the least because Keith was a healthy young man, and as such, well. 

You couldn’t just will away morning wood. At least, Keith couldn’t. 

Other than that, it was kind of nice to be cuddled like this. Lotor was warm and it was just... _ nice _ to be held once in a while. 

Galra were generally pretty tactile; at least, that was Keith’s experience, when he was with the Blade. But now, after-

No, he didn’t want to think about that. Didn’t want to ruin this soft, peaceful moment. 

Suffice it to say, it had been a long time since he’d gotten friendly contact with another person. 

Rallir started fussing, and Lotor was instantly awake, apparently attuned to his son’s needs. 

He was up and out of bed before Keith could say anything. 

Keith rolled over so he could watch Lotor. He was so good with the baby, and it really brought out things Keith had never imagined he’d see in him. 

“Good morning,” he said finally, after Lotor had taken a few minutes to coo over Rallir.

Lotor stiffened, slightly, like he’d forgotten Keith was there. Or like he simply hadn’t noticed that Keith was awake. But then he turned, smiling softly, and the smile wasn’t meant for Keith, but it was good to see it anyway. “Good morning,” Lotor greeted in return. 

“Sleep well?” Keith asked. 

“Well enough. And you?”

“Pretty good, actually,” Keith said. 

“I’m glad.”

“Lotor-“ Keith started, and then stopped, because he didn’t know exactly what he wanted to say. 

Lotor sat down on the edge of the bed, Rallir still in his arms, and waited expectantly.

Keith swallowed. “I- I don’t want things to be awkward between us.”

“I wasn’t aware that they were.”

“Well, good.” Keith felt himself flushing. “I… I’m- I have feelings for Shiro,” he said, all in a rush.

“I know,” Lotor said neutrally. 

“You...knew?”

“Of course. You aren’t very subtle. For what it’s worth, I believe he has feelings for you, too.”

Keith was unspeakably glad that they were still using the present tense when referring to Shiro; he couldn’t have handled this otherwise. Shiro would be ok. 

“He does?” 

“I believe so. But you should get up, and you can ask him later yourself. When we’ve resolved this.”

“Of course,” Keith said. 

Lotor stood and left, presumably to get a bottle for Rallir. If Galra babies were bottle-fed; Keith had no idea. 

* * *

The Black Lion. 

The object of Zarkon’s obsession for ten thousand years, and now here it was, back on a Galra ship. Its two most recent pilots had fought directly against Zarkon, coming out alive when no one else had. 

None of Zarkon’s challengers over the years had survived long after the initial fight; if they weren’t killed outright, they were dragged off to the witch’s labs.

And yet…

“Shiro let me use his bayard,” Lotor said quietly. “If he hadn’t, I…” He would have died, surely. Perhaps not at his father’s hands, but definitely on his orders. 

Maybe that would have been better than what had come after. 

“None of us would be here without Shiro,” Keith said. “He’s been through a lot, and now it’s time to help him.”

Lotor nodded. “Alright. What was your idea, anyway?”

Keith frowned. “The Black Lion is… the most demanding Lion. She takes the most from her paladin. The highest energy demand. The highest quintessence demand. Piloting her is nothing like piloting Red. So I wonder if it’s possible that she could still have a connection with Shiro…”

“The Lions take your quintessence?” Lotor asked. 

Keith nodded absently. “Take and return and take… I don’t know how to describe it.” He touched the particle barrier surrounding the Lion, and it fell. “Come on.”

“You’re letting me come with you?”

“Well, yeah. You know more about quintessence than I do. Plus,” Keith said with a grin, “what are you gonna do? Steal her?”

“I have a feeling that she only goes where she wants.”

“That’s definitely true.” Keith led the way up the ramp to the cockpit. “So, I’m going to see if maybe I can… I don’t know. But we’ll find out.”

Lotor nodded and leaned against the bulkhead. They were on a course that would take them away from the Patrulian Zone, and so far, there was no pursuit. He could afford to be patient now. 

Keith sat down and placed his hands on the controls; the cockpit lit up instantly, despite it having been over two years since Keith had been a paladin.

On Lotor’s end, nothing really seemed to happen for several long minutes. He could feel traces of quintessence -he’d always been attuned to it, the circumstances of his birth being what they were -on his skin, slightly higher than normal levels, but otherwise…

He closed his eyes and sort of...let his mind drift. He wasn’t very good at that, normally, but he was safe, here, now. It was easy to let go, and it was the same feeling of- of  _ serenity _ he’d felt, holding the Black Bayard on the day he’d killed his father. What happened, happened. 

And then he opened his eyes. 

He was surrounded by quintessence -the Black Lion’s quintessence -and he also wasn’t alone.

Keith was there, far away, in front of him, talking to...Shiro?

“I died, Keith.”

What? 

No, actually… That almost made sense. It meant that they had a clone on the flagship, but honestly, clones were basically as good as the original. Sometimes there were memory problems, but if they managed to get the original Shiro’s life-force into the body of the clone…

“I refuse to accept that,” Keith said.

“There’s power in acceptance,” Shiro said, putting a hand on Keith’s shoulder. “If I wasn’t here, if the Black Lion hadn’t… then you would have accept it. This is war, Keith. People die.”

“No!” Keith cried out, a little brokenly. “Haven’t I lost enough? I crossed the universe for you, Shiro, and you’re  _ here _ . I said I would save you as many times as it takes, and I meant that. I- I love you, Shiro,  _ please… _ ”

Lotor could tell, from the way Keith’s shoulders shook, that he was crying, openly and without fear of judgement. Did neither of them know that he was here? 

Honestly, he wasn’t sure why he was here. He wasn’t a paladin, and never would be. 

(Once, he had dreamed of becoming a paladin, at first in order to make his father proud, and then in order to overthrow him. Finally, he’d turned to more pragmatic solutions.)

“There’s a way,” Lotor said finally. His voice was at once too quiet and too loud, somehow. Too intrusive and yet too meek. “There’s a viable body for you. I can -I think I can -rectify this.”

The look Keith had when he turned to look at Lotor broke his heart. He wasn’t sure why -he’d just heard Keith confess his love to another man -but it did, shattering it into a million pieces. Sendak had merely bruised it, but this… 

This was almost too much. 

Seeing Keith wearing such a look of love and hope while looking at him… Ramil was right, he always was; he did want someone to look at him like this. But Lotor had been right, too; he didn’t know what to do with this, even if he knew it wasn’t directed at him and never would be. 

“There’s a way,” he said, relieved that his voice was steady even if the rest of him wasn’t, “if you want it, Shiro.”

Shiro smiled ruefully. “Guess I can’t get out of this so easily after all.” 


	11. When, Not If

Keith had seen that open, raw expression on Lotor’s face in the astral plane. He just didn’t know what it meant. 

So he didn’t address it. 

“Can you really...transfer Shiro’s soul or whatever?” He asked instead.

“I think so. I’ll have him brought down here, first. It should be easier if he’s close by.” Lotor paused. “I don’t know if it will work. I’m no alchemist.”

“Were alchemists routinely doing this sort of thing?”

Lotor conceded with a nod. “I doubt it.” He sent a quick message from his communicator. 

“I mean...could Allura do something like this? Could anyone?”

“Perhaps. Perhaps not. Her father was a great alchemist, and I imagine she inherited some of his ability. Whether she was trained or not… That I don’t know. Probably not. She may have been too young when the war started.” He frowned. “Not that I have much training either.”

“But you have some?” Keith pressed.

Lotor took a long time to answer. “In the interest of your continued trust in me… I learned a little from the Druids. Not a lot. Not enough to be a danger to them, certainly. But a little. The little I did learn...was the Komar. Which, ultimately, shouldn’t be too different from what we want to do here. Taking quintessence from one thing and placing it in another.”

“...I don’t even know where to start with that.”

Lotor smiled bitterly. “That’s all the Komar is, at its most basic. The problem begins when you take too much at once. But we only need Shiro’s quintessence.”

“True.” 

They climbed out of the cockpit just as the medical team brought Shiro in. Still too lifeless for Keith’s comfort.

Hopefully that would change soon. 

Lotor stripped his gloves off, and placed on on the Black Lion’s leg and the other on Shiro’s head. Like a conduit, almost. 

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Nothing happened.

Then, so subtly that Keith didn’t notice at first, little marks started glowing under Lotor’s eyes. They were like Allura’s Altean markings, but they were shaped differently. More jagged, like sideways lightning bolts. 

Light surrounded first the Lion, then Lotor, and finally Shiro, so bright that Keith had to turn away. 

Keith felt electrified, full of life, full of power…

The light died, leaving Keith with white spots in his vision. “Did it work?”

Lotor gripped the Black Lion, breathing hard. “I- I don’t know,” he said. He was shaking, barely upright.

“Are you ok?” 

“Not sure yet.”

The monitors that were hooked up to Shiro hadn’t indicated a problem; other than that, Keith didn’t know how to read them. But he was still alive, at the very least. 

“You should sit down,” Keith said, putting Lotor’s arm over his shoulder and supporting him. 

Lotor nodded, and Keith helped him sit. 

“It might take time,” Lotor said finally, when he got his breath back. “Some of those systems have been offline for a while. Might need to...reboot, as it were.”

“Patience yields focus,” Keith said, mostly to himself. He’d waited this long; he could wait a little longer. 

Lotor nodded, and after a few minutes, pushed himself upright. “I’ll have Shiro moved back to his room. It’ll be more comfortable for you to wait there, if you wish.”

“Thanks,” Keith said, smiling softly. “I owe you one.”

“Perhaps we should keep a tally,” Lotor said lightly, before turning to leave. 

* * *

Lotor was exhausted. He hadn’t anticipated how much it would take out of him.

Didn’t help that he hadn’t slept very well last night, of course. That wasn’t Keith’s fault; in fact, he had no doubt that he probably would have slept worse if Keith hadn’t been there. 

He had a meal sent to his quarters and ate while bouncing Rallir on one knee. The food helped a little, except now he had a headache developing behind his eyes, and he wasn’t entirely sure why. 

But at least he’d done what he could. That had to count for  _ something _ . 

Rallir categorically refused to be put down for his nap -a nap which Lotor desperately wanted -so finally he reclined on the couch with Rallir laying on his chest and rubbed his back. 

Maybe it was the fact that Rallir had spent the first several months of his life alone and unloved, but he had severe separation anxiety sometimes. On some level, perhaps, he was afraid that if Lotor left, he might never come back.

“I will never abandon you, Little One,” Lotor murmured, nuzzling and kissing the top of his head. “I will always be here for you. I love you, Rallir, even if it hurts sometimes, but you are my son and I love you. I will love you, no matter what. Always.” 

Rallir purred sleepily, contentedly, and soon he was fast asleep.

Lotor watched him for a few minutes before he, too, closed his eyes and drifted off. 

For once, he didn’t dream, and when he woke an hour later, he actually felt well-rested. The last time that had happened was...the morning of the Kral Zera, with Keith. 

Rallir was waking, too, blinking his nictitating membranes back and forth rapidly a few times to clear his eyes. 

“Feel better?” Lotor asked.

Rallir cooed and gurgled, a probable yes. 

Lotor attempted to smooth down the fur of his crest, but it was probably a lost cause. Still, the action prompted Rallir to start purring again. 

“You are too cute for your own good,” Lotor told him very seriously. 

Rallir responded by pulling Lotor’s hair, and Lotor kissed his nose. “Alright, I can’t cuddle with you all day, even though I want to. Come on. Shall we check on Keith and Shiro?”

Rallir chirped -he knew that questions warranted an answer, even if he couldn’t talk yet -and clung to Lotor’s chest plate. It was not remotely the first time he’d slept in his armor, and it would not be the last. 

And Rallir’s baby claws were no match against the armor, so that was nice. Lotor loved his son, but he was not quite ready to be cut to ribbons by his claws. 

Keith was sitting in the chair next to Shiro’s bed, and if Lotor didn’t know better, he would have said that Keith hadn’t slept for a week at least. 

But since he did know better, he just had to assume that Keith was merely worried. 

“You look better,” Keith said.

“I took a nap,” Lotor said. “You should do the same.” 

“I want to be here when he wakes up.”

_ When _ , not  _ if _ ; Keith was so optimistic about this. Lotor wasn’t sure how he felt about that. 

“I can have another bed brought in here.” The one Shiro was in was too narrow for two, which was probably the only reason Keith slept in the chair. Still, it couldn’t be comfortable. 

“Ok,” Keith said. He was quiet for several minutes. “He will wake up, right?”

“There is an increased amount of brain activity,” Lotor said. “It’s a good sign, but this falls outside any of my doctors’ areas of expertise.”

“You don’t want to get my hopes up,” Keith said.

“I don’t want you to think that I’ve lied to you, if things don’t turn out... _ well _ .” 

“You don’t have to be so careful,” Keith sighed. “I know… I know that there are things you can’t control. I know things happen for no reason at all sometimes. They just do. I can take whatever comes.”

“I don’t want to see you hurt,” Lotor said, in a rare moment of emotional honesty. 

“I can handle it,” Keith said stubbornly. 

“No,” Lotor replied. “Not on your own.”

“I don’t know why we’re having this conversation,” Keith deflected, looking away. “Shiro’s going to be fine.”

“Of course,” Lotor said. 


	12. Societal Conduct

It had been a week, and everyday, Shiro’s brain was more active. At least, that’s what the doctors said when Keith asked. 

Lotor was in and out, checking on them several times a day in between his Emperor duties. 

He was starting to look better. The haunted look in his eyes was still there, but he wasn’t so gaunt anymore, and that was something. 

Lotor had even managed to get him down to the training deck a few times with a “What would Shiro think about you neglecting your training?” 

Keith hadn’t known Lotor very well before, but he had a suspicion that fatherhood had changed him. At least a little. 

Sometimes, like now, when Lotor had more than a few minutes, he sat with Keith, usually with the baby in his lap, and they just...talked. 

About nothing serious, most of the time. Piloting, sword-fighting techniques, dreams they’d had when they were younger. 

They didn’t talk about the war, or Sendak, or Voltron. Those were the rules, and Keith wasn’t really a rule follower, but these, at least, he could respect. 

Today, Rallir seemed especially fussy for some reason. Well, maybe not fussy, exactly. Just...active. 

He kept reaching out towards Keith.

Lotor finally noticed. “Sorry,” he said with an apologetic laugh. “He’s in that phase where he wants to grab everything that catches his eye.”

“It’s ok,” Keith said. 

“Do you want to hold him?” Lotor asked. “He doesn’t really like other people, but you must be special.”

“Special?”

Lotor shrugged. “You don’t have to, of course. His attention span is fairly short.”

“I mean… I wouldn’t want to hurt him.”

“You won’t. Galra babies are pretty robust.”

“Ok, sure. I guess I could…”

Lotor handed the baby to him, and Keith just kind of...held him.

Rallir stared at him. It was easy to tell that he was related to Lotor: they had the same piercing gaze. 

And then he reached out and tried to grab Keith’s nose. He couldn’t quite reach, but his hands…

They were so  _ small _ . They weren’t even as long as Keith’s index finger? 

He was so warm, too, even through his fuzzy onesie. A little heavier than Keith expected, but it was a comforting weight.

Keith set him down so that he was straddling his leg, and Rallir immediately gripped Keith’s shirt and tried to climb.

Lotor made an amused sound.

“Am I doing something wrong?” Keith asked.

“No,” Lotor assured. “He’s just… a little overconfident of his own strength.”

Indeed, Rallir had made no progress up Keith’s shirt. He didn’t seem to mind that fact, nor did he let it stop him. 

“Do Galra babies...climb?” 

Lotor nodded. “It’s a defensive measure. Most predators on Daibazaal that were large enough to attempt to prey on infant Galra were too large to climb well, if at all. He’s just not strong enough to climb yet.” 

Rallir finally gave up and nestled against Keith’s chest, still clinging to his shirt but otherwise relaxed. And then he started purring, as loudly as ever.

“What does that mean?” Keith asked. “The purring, I mean.”

Lotor sighed. “It means different things in different contexts. It’s mostly reserved for family, close friends, and romantic partners, but of course, Rallir is a little young to understand the finer points of societal conduct. In this case, it means he feels safe and comfortable.”

Keith looked up from Rallir, a little stunned. “But I- I haven’t  _ done _ anything. I’m not you, I’m not-“

Lotor shrugged. “He’s a baby, Keith. He cries when he needs something and he purrs when his needs are met. For the first several months of his life, he was cared for by Druids, and they aren’t exactly...nurturing. You aren’t a Druid or a doctor, and you aren’t trying to actively hurt him. For now, for him, that’s enough.”

“Oh,” Keith said. “I wish… I wish everything could be that simple.”

Lotor smiled wistfully. “Don’t we all.” 

They didn’t say anything for a few minutes, but Keith had more questions. He always did, when it came to his Galra half. “What are the other contexts? For purring, I mean.”

Lotor didn’t say anything for a moment. “The other contexts… It expresses contentment, safety. The ability to be vulnerable without being hurt. But it is also done, sometimes, when one is injured or afraid, as a self-soothing behavior.”

“Like cats.”

Lotor nodded. 

“And adult Galra purr? I’ve never…” Then he realized he wouldn’t have.  _ Reserved for family, close friends, and romantic partners.  _ It was so soothing, though, Rallir’s loud, rumbling purr. And he’d missed out on this for twenty-two years…

“It’s less common in adult Galra,” Lotor said. “But it happens.” 

Lotor suddenly seemed closed off, far away, as he hadn’t been just a few minutes ago. 

“Can hybrids…?”

“Some of them.” He glanced away. His breathing was even. Too even, really, like he was counting out his inhales and exhales, like he-

“Lotor?” 

Lotor blinked a few times, as if startled. 

“I’m sorry for asking so many questions,” Keith continued.

“Don’t be; you must be curious about your Galra half. If there are any questions I can’t answer, please feel free to ask Dr. Arnok; he specializes in hybrids.”

There was definitely a wall up where there wasn’t one before. “I will. Thanks.” 


	13. Fractured

It was like...resurfacing from a dive to the bottom of the ocean.

It must be undertaken in stages, slowly and deliberately. To do otherwise -to panic, to break for the surface too soon, too suddenly -would lead to death.

(Another death.) 

There was no rush. These depths were quiet, peaceful.

Opening his eyes again felt as natural as breathing. The final stage to his ascent. 

Keith was there. Of course he was; Shiro’s mouth tried to curve into a smile, but there was a disconnect somewhere, and he couldn’t quite manage it.

Keith was asleep, curled up in a chair. It looked uncomfortable, and he must have been exhausted to fall asleep like that.

He looked older now, and his hair was longer, and there was a scar across one cheek, like a burn and-

_ hot violet glow yellow glowing eyes burning flesh gleaming fangs  _

“Shiro?” A soft voice, one that was only vaguely familiar. 

Shiro hadn’t noticed anyone else in the room, but then again, he hadn’t looked. He looked now; his muscles were cooperating a little better.

It took him a moment to put a name to the person sitting on the other side of the room. “Lotor?” He whispered hoarsely. His throat was so  _ dry _ ...

Lotor stood and helped him sit up a little, and then the rim of a cup was pressed to his lips, and he drank the cool refreshing water like it was ambrosia, like it was the tears of angels…

“Slowly,” Lotor said. “You don’t want to choke.”

Still, Shiro drained the glass quickly, and Lotor poured him another.

“Where am I?”

“This is the Imperial flagship,” Lotor said. “What do you remember after the Kral Zera?”

“Not...a lot,” Shiro admitted. “Even before, my memory is kind of...fuzzy. But...you lost?”

Lotor stiffened, just slightly. “That one, yes. But there has since been another Kral Zera, and now I am Emperor.”

“Oh. Well, that’s good, then.” Lotor was an ally, and if they had even part of the Galra Empire on their side…

Lotor stepped around the bed and gently shook Keith awake.

The next thing Shiro knew, Keith was squeezing the life right back out of him, sobbing into the space between Shiro’s shoulder and neck. “I knew you’d be ok,” Keith said, like he was reassuring himself. 

Lotor seemed to be preparing to leave.

“Stay,” Shiro said. “You helped Keith, right?”

“Not as much as he helped me,” Lotor said, and Shiro’s memories before the Kral Zera were indistinct, but he would have remembered if Lotor had been this...withdrawn, this subdued. “But I have to go. Please excuse me.”

Shiro frowned at the door for a few moments after Lotor left, but Keith was here, so he turned his attention there. “How long…?”

“A little over two years,” Keith said. “Since the Kral Zera. Shiro… When we were in the astral plane, you said...You said that you died.”

It came rushing back then, and he  _ remembered _ . Not everything; that would take time. But enough. “I did,” he began, slowly. “I did, fighting Zarkon, and the Black Lion…” Saved him, maybe. Trapped him. Wouldn’t let go. 

“Then, the whole time, it was a clone and we didn’t notice?  _ I _ didn’t notice?” 

“That’s kind of the point of clones, Keith,” Shiro said. It’s a poor joke, and Keith wasn’t amused.

“Lotor tells better jokes than you,” Keith said, crossing his arms. “And he’s…” Keith stopped himself, then continued, a little more carefully. “Sendak was the emperor for two years.”

Shiro remembered the threat that Sendak had made to Lotor, at the Kral Zera, and he had dealt with Sendak enough to know that he had carried it out. He didn’t need Keith to tell him more than that. But one thing at a time. “How are  _ you _ , Keith?”

Keith shrugged. “Well enough, considering. Haggar had the Black Lion for the past two years, so-“

“So no Voltron,” Shiro finished. He sighed. “I’m guessing the entire universe went to shit.”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Keith agreed dourly. 

Shiro couldn’t help himself; he reached up and touched the scar on Keith’s cheek, with supreme tenderness, the way Keith should be treated. “How did you get this?”

Keith had stopped breathing, but now he drew in a ragged breath. “Shiro-“

“I did this,” Shiro said, a sudden flash of understanding hitting him like a lightning bolt. 

“It wasn’t you, not really. Haggar was controlling-“

“How can you still be here? How can you let me-?”

“I love you,” Keith whispered. “I love you, Shiro.”

It’s a kick to the solar plexus. It paralyzed him, hearing Keith say the thing he’d wanted to hear him say for far too long. Maybe since that night he’d come crashing back to Earth. Maybe since before. “I love you, Keith.” 

Keith smiled, and it was like the sun coming out after days of rain, and Shiro had never seen a more beautiful sight in his life. 

* * *

“It hurts,” Lotor said, very quietly, but Ramil didn’t ask him to speak up, so he’d said it loud enough. “It- all of it -hurts, and I can’t… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore.”

“What hurts? And how? Let’s break this down, one thing at a time.”

Right. One thing at a time. He couldn’t do ten thousand things at once anymore; that was, apparently, attributable to either the aftereffects of his trauma or his bout of septic shock. The cause didn’t matter. His focus was fractured, and it may never fully recover, and he would always be a shell of what he was, because Sendak-

“My shoulders,” Lotor said, starting with something easy. Easier. “The inflammation is mostly gone, but the pain persists, and that indicates an underlying issue, one that may need to be corrected with surgery.”

“Or physical therapy.” 

“Or surgery. And I don’t want that. But I also can’t… I won’t survive as Emperor very long if I can’t fight. I think that’s one of the contributing factors of my anxiety right now. I can’t fight. I am physically incapable of it, and as soon as someone finds that out, they will issue a challenge, one that I will have to meet.”

“And you think you will lose.”

“I know that I will lose. My son might be spared; he’s still young enough to be protected in most circumstances. But there is no one else to care for him. He might be raised as cruelly as I was, or worse, and you have to understand… there are things that I went through that I would never inflict on my worst enemies. Not even… Not even Sendak.”

“That makes you a better person than a lot of people,” Ramil said. 

“I don’t think of myself like that.”

“I know. And we’re working on that. I believe that you are a genuinely good person, because despite everything you’ve gone through, you aren’t motivated by vengeance. Just necessity and survival, and no one can fault you for that.”

“Of course they can. I can be faulted for most things, regardless of the reason I did it. I just don’t care what other people think of me anymore. I’m the only one who’s ever had my best interests at heart.” 

“So you need to be here for your son, so he doesn’t experience the same things you did.”

Lotor nodded jerkily. “I don’t understand how my father could just...neglect me, especially now that I have a child of my own. Even if he didn’t want me… I didn’t want my son, at first. You know that. But I… I can’t imagine not caring about him. I- I love him, and I want what’s best for him. Maybe I started this out of a sense of- of duty, I suppose, but now…”

“If you were married, you wouldn’t have to fight any challenges.”

Lotor blinked a few times. “Are- are you suggesting I get  _ married _ ?  _ Now _ ?” 

“Just an observation.”

Lotor scoffed. “Of course. Right. Because I should marry for the sole purpose of having someone else fight my battles for me.”

“I think it would be good for you to have someone who could care for you and reciprocate the relationship in a way that your son cannot.”

“That’s a terrible idea. I’ve never-“

“Been in a real relationship? I had assumed as much.” 

Lotor was quiet for a moment, considering his next words. “The closest I’ve ever been to a real relationship was with Sendak. How horribly fucked up is that? It was… It was bad, mostly, but some parts were less bad, and that made me think that maybe it was alright, that maybe this was what I needed, but it wasn’t.”

“That’s a completely normal feeling among survivors,” Ramil said. 

“I miss him,” Lotor whispered, burying his face in his hands. “I miss him. I feel guilty for killing him. I hate him but sometimes… sometimes I think I love him, too. He never gave me real kindness, but it was the closest I ever got, and maybe I was so desperate for someone -anyone -to just… care about me, that it didn’t matter how.”

“So maybe you need someone to show you what real kindness is.”

It was so close to the thoughts circling in his head the evening he’d tried to seduce Keith, before the Kral Zera.

_ let someone take away the pain the memory of his hands on your skin the way he felt over you the way he _

“I can’t,” Lotor said. “And it doesn’t matter. I will...find a way, as I always have. On my own, if need be. I am fine alone.”

“But you are afraid of being alone.”

That… That was something Lotor couldn’t truthfully deny. 


	14. It’s Complicated

It was late, and yet Shiro thought he had an idea of where Lotor might be. 

Lotor had never been allowed free reign of the Castle of Lions, but he imagined, if he had been, he might have frequented the training deck at odd hours, when it was empty and he couldn't sleep. 

That was what Shiro did, after all, and they weren’t totally dissimilar. 

In fact, they probably had a lot more in common that Shiro had first thought. 

Lotor  _ was _ on the training deck, absolutely absorbed in his battle with the simulator. 

He didn’t appear to notice Shiro, just fought with a fervor that went beyond what Shiro had thought him capable of, pushing himself to his limits, just as Shiro would when he couldn’t sleep.

It was impressive, and yet Shiro knew why he had to push himself like this, and that was...heartbreaking, if he was being honest. 

Still, he knew better than to startle someone when they were like this, so he waited. 

Until Lotor cried out in pain and anger as his sword fell from his hand, clattering across the floor. The simulator didn’t stop-

_ Shit _ . “End training sequence!”

The training bot flickered out of existence. 

Lotor froze, a trapped, wounded animal trying to find a way -any way -out. His eyes darted to the door behind Shiro, and then he sized Shiro up.

Shiro kept himself relaxed and non-threatening. “Hey,” he said. 

Lotor glanced away, flexing his hands. “I couldn’t sleep. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“I, uh… Actually, I wanted to thank you. You brought me back.”

“It was Keith’s idea.” 

Of course it was. “Still. So… Thank you. And… If you wanted to talk, you know, about...whatever, you could. I get it.”

Suddenly, Lotor was close -maybe too close -towering over Shiro. “Do you? Do you have any idea what it’s like to be haunted by the knowledge that you were falling in love with your rapist? That you still feel guilty for killing him? That you miss him? That you long for his touch? That you can’t help but replay all the kind things he said because it was the closest thing to real affection you ever got?”

Shiro was speechless in the face of that. He had a sense that Lotor wasn’t really angry with anyone but himself, and he understood that, too. “I’m sorry.”

Lotor laughed, but there was no humor in it. Only bitterness, frustration, anger. “What could you possibly be sorry for?”

It was a rhetorical question, and continuing down this line wasn’t going to get them anywhere; Shiro changed the subject. “I couldn’t sleep, either. Go a few rounds with me?”

“That would be ill advised,” Lotor said with a sigh. “I’m afraid that I am more unwell than I care to admit.”

That would explain why he’d dropped his sword, maybe. “Ok.”

“And you should go back to Keith, anyway,” Lotor continued, turning and pacing away, doing some kind of stretch with his arms. “He’ll be upset if you aren’t there when he wakes.”

So Lotor knew. It wasn’t a surprise to Shiro; they weren’t subtle, and Lotor was perceptive. “Keith’ll be ok,” Shiro said. “You obviously aren’t.”

“I’m fine,” Lotor hissed. 

“It’s ok to not be ok sometimes, especially after...everything.”

“You don’t understand,” Lotor said quietly. There was no anger left, just exhaustion. A bone-deep weariness. “If I ever show the slightest amount of weakness, especially now, someone will challenge me. They will win, and I will die. Everything I worked for will have been for nothing. My life will have been meaningless. If I am remembered, it will only be because I was Zarkon’s son and Sendak’s whore.” 

“Then let us help you,” Shiro said. “We want you to succeed, too. Having the Galra Empire on our side is a good thing, and the only way that’s going to happen is if you remain Emperor. You just have to tell us what you need.”

“What I need,” Lotor repeated, running the words through his mouth slowly, considering. “What I need… is complicated. I don’t know if I can- if I should…”

“Just ask,” Shiro said. He was aware, suddenly, of what this sounded like. But he didn’t feel awkward about it; indeed, it felt...right, somehow, even with regard to Keith, still fast asleep in the medical wing.

“I can’t,” Lotor whispered. He turned, and his eyes were glassy with unshed tears. “I don’t know how, and I can’t- Keith…”

Without thinking, Shiro embraced him, pulling him in close. 

Lotor flinched, but then immediately relaxed and began sobbing.

It was a little awkward, because Lotor was taller than him, and yet also intent on tucking his head under Shiro’s chin, trying to make himself small. 

Shiro rubbed his back. “Don’t worry about that right now. We’ll work it out. Just… Cry, if you need to.”

Lotor obviously did. 

Shiro guided them down to the floor, Lotor situated in between his legs, because he really was too tall to fit in Shiro’s lap. Lotor clung to him, like a frightened, distressed child, shaking with the force of his sobs.

Shiro just let him cry. It seemed like it had been a while, probably, since he’d let it all out. 

Shiro had been here, too, sobbing and desperately trying to smother his sobs, late at night, when he was absolutely sure everyone else was sound asleep. He always had to put on a brave face, no matter what the universe threw at them; Lotor was no different, for all that he was an alien, an emperor.

Finally, he seemed cried out, but he didn’t let go of Shiro, and Shiro didn’t push him away, even when Lotor began rubbing his cheek on Shiro’s shoulder in a seemingly mindless-yet-comforting gesture. 

“Feel better?” Shiro asked finally. 

Lotor made a noncommittal noise. 

“You don’t have to be alone tonight,” Shiro said. “Keith said he slept in your bed a few times?”

Lotor stilled, then nodded. 

“I know that I like there to be someone nearby to wake me if I’m having a nightmare. We could do the same for you.”

“I-“ Lotor began finally. “I shouldn’t. I have...other responsibilities.”

“It’s late. You should be asleep. What could you possibly be doing?”

Lotor pulled back. Glanced away. Sighed. “It’s...complicated. It would be best if I showed you.”

“Ok…?” He had no idea what this could be; what could possibly be more complicated than fighting a ten-thousand-year-old war in space with giant flying semi-sentient robot lions that turned into an even larger robot man?

* * *

 

“That’s...a baby,” Shiro said. 

“That’s my son,” Lotor replied. 

And that was where the complication began.

“I didn’t know you-“

“You wouldn’t have,” Lotor said. “He’s only eight months old. I didn’t even know about him until Keith found the abandoned facility where you both were kept.” 

“He looks like…” Shiro didn’t know if he should say it, but fortunately, he didn’t have to.

“Like Sendak,” Lotor replied. “Yes, I know. He’s Sendak’s son, too.”

Shiro wondered if there was a delicate way to put this. “Is that...possible? Biologically speaking?”

“No. He was created artificially. It’s a process that has been in use for some time, for two same-sex parents to have a child that is biologically related to both of them, or in cases of infertility. I assume the witch used the opportunity to weed out any defects that might arise from his mixed blood; hybrid children often have health problems early in life, and yet he is in perfect health.”

“He’s really cute,” Shiro said. The baby was: with his huge, twitching ears and fluffy fur coat, he looked almost like a koala, if koalas wore fuzzy, footed onesies.

“He is,” Lotor agreed, smiling softly. He reached into the cradle and stroked the baby’s cheek; he immediately started purring in his sleep. 

“What’s his name?”

“Rallir,” Lotor replied, still focused on his son. Shiro couldn’t blame him; the baby was adorable. 

“What does that mean?” Shiro asked.

Lotor hummed thoughtfully. “It doesn’t really translate well. It could mean ‘to overcome’ or ‘to conquer’ but it could also mean ‘to defeat one’s past’ or even ‘to rebuild on the ashes of past failures’. A name I hope he will grow into.”

“I think it fits,” Shiro said. “And I get it. If you want, we can come here, instead of the other way around.”

“He doesn’t sleep through the night,” Lotor warned. 

“Neither do I,” Shiro said. “And Keith doesn’t either. It’s not a big deal.”

“Alright,” Lotor said finally. “If you want.”

“I’m not trying to push you. I just think maybe it would be best if you weren’t alone, is all. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

Lotor took a long time to respond. “Right. Of course. Fetch Keith, if you want. I’ll be here.”


	15. Safety

Lotor woke slowly, an unfamiliar sound dragging him from his dreams.

    Not an unwelcome or distressing sound. Rather, a comforting one, one that could lull him right back to sleep.

    He almost let it, except that he was instantly suspicious of this comforting noise; perhaps it was a trap of some kind. A trick.

    Lotor had insisted on sleeping on the side of the bed closest to Rallir’s cradle, for two reasons.

    One: he wouldn’t have to climb over anyone if Rallir woke in the middle of the night.

    Two: he was between Rallir and everyone else this way; they’d have to go through him, first, before they could even thinking of harming his son.

    Shiro was on the far side, and Keith was in the middle.

    After a moment of listening, Lotor realized the sound was a purr. Not Kova’s purr, of course; he had no idea if Kova was even still alive, and this purr wasn’t continuous, the way a cat’s was.

    It wasn’t Rallir, either. He would have known instantly if it was, and anyway, Rallir never purred unless he was being held or at least touched.

    No, he realized, it was coming from right next to him.

    He steeled himself and looked.

    It was Keith. Of course.

    Shiro and Keith were so entangled it was difficult to tell where one stopped and the other began, but it was Keith’s purr he heard. Humans didn’t purr, and Lotor certainly couldn’t anymore.

    So it had to be Keith.

    He looked content. Happy.

    Happier than he ever was when he was awake.

    And why shouldn’t he be happy? He was in the arms of the man he loved, the man he’d crossed the universe for. He loved, and was loved.

    Letting them sleep in his bed tonight had been a mistake. It wasn’t that he was envious of their love; indeed, he was happy for them, he truly was.

         But… He knew he could never have what they had. He’d always known that, but now, After… and with a front-row seat to their love, it was hard.

    He should send them on their way. They had the Black Lion; it wouldn’t take them long to find allies, surely.

    And yet… He was selfish. He didn’t want them to go. He wanted to pretend -even if it hurt -that they were here because he was part of what they had, part of this beautiful, uncomplicated love.

    And if _-when_ , he reminded himself -they left, he would be alone.

    He’d have Rallir, of course, but that wasn’t the same. Wasn’t quite what he needed.

    He thought about getting up and leaving, doing something -anything -to get away from what he could never have, but Keith, still fast asleep and purring, reached out to him.

    And Lotor, because he was so terribly weak, let himself be pulled in further.

* * *

 

    Keith woke, surrounded by warmth.

    There was a bubbly feeling in his chest, and it- was he _purring_?

    Huh.

    It felt really nice, actually. Like a full-body deep tissue massage, without the ache.

    He reached out sleepily to the warmth in front of him. This was so nice, it really was; Keith could cry with how nice it was. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this relaxed and at ease.

    “Morning,” he said to the person he was pressed up against, assuming (wrongly) that it was Shiro.

    There was a long silence, and Keith finally looked.

    Yellow eyes stared down at him, and Keith realized he’d managed to wrap himself pretty much completely around Lotor in his sleep.

    Lotor looked as embarrassed as Keith felt.

    Keith’s purr died in his throat.

    “Good morning, Keith,” Lotor said neutrally, but Keith could practically hear his internal screaming. He made no move to extricate himself, though, so that had to be a good sign, right?

    “Um. Hi,” Keith said. He couldn’t be expected to be eloquent this early in the morning. “Sleep well?”

    “...Yes,” Lotor said, finally looking away. “And you?”

    “Yeah,” Keith said. “Is this...ok?”

    “ _Yes_ ,” Lotor whispered.

    Keith hadn’t expected that. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting actually, but definitely not that.

    He wanted to… He wasn’t sure, actually. Touch Lotor? Not sexually, but in a way to make him... _his_?

    _Why was this happening?_

    Shiro stirred against Keith’s back, and Keith breathed a sigh of relief.

    “Morning,” Shiro murmured against Keith’s neck.

    “I should check on Rallir,” Lotor said.

    “He’s not even awake yet,” Keith said. “Stay, just for a few minutes.”

    Lotor hesitated, then nodded. “Alright.”

    Shiro yawned. “We should talk,” he said.

    Lotor stiffened. “About what?”

    “Did you sleep well?” Shiro asked.

    “Yes.” Lotor’s voice was small. Almost timid. That couldn’t be right, though.

    “So us being here helped? At least a little?”

    “Maybe. I don’t dream every night. Just...most nights.”

    “I think the last time I slept that well was before the Kerberos launch,” Shiro said.

    “Kerberos…” Lotor said softly, rolling what was probably an unfamiliar word around in his mouth. “Is that when you were captured by the Galra?”

    Shiro nodded.

    “Over five years ago, then,” Lotor said, almost to himself. “If it helps you, feel free to sleep here whenever you need.”

    “Lotor,” Shiro began, “this isn’t just about what I need, or what Keith needs. It’s also about what you need. So. What do you need?”

    “I can’t ask for that,” Lotor said, refusing to look at either of them.

    “Yes, you can,” Keith said, putting a hand on Lotor’s knee. “It’s ok. You’ve helped us so much. Let us help you.”

    Lotor sighed. His claws came out, and he began absently picking at them. “No. It’s not- It’s not right. And you wouldn’t want to, anyway. Maybe it would be best if you left, now, before I- before you began to… see what I am now. What I had to become. I’m not...you wouldn’t want… I’m-“

    “That’s ok,” Keith said. “It’s ok. We _do_ want to, or we wouldn’t have offered.”

    “I feel safe with you,” Lotor whispered, so softly that Keith barely heard. “For the first time in a very long time, I feel safe, and that’s… I trust you with my _son_ , as if you were his- as if we were… _married_ , and I never thought… I never thought that I could ever have something like this, and then you just… You make it so easy, but I know it won’t stay easy. I know it will be hard, and I fear that you will _leave_ , and I can’t- I have lost so much already; anymore would be too much, I think.”

    “Lotor…” Keith said. He didn’t know what to say to all that.

    “Lotor, we wouldn’t leave just because things got hard. I am... _honored_ , that you feel safe with us, and that you trust us with your son. Do you think we would just...throw that away? Because things got difficult? Look, I didn’t go through the same things you did, but I have my demons, and Keith had his, and you have yours. We’re...damaged, yes, but maybe we can help each other.”

    Keith could tell that Lotor wanted that; his yearning was tangible. But something was stopping him, and he didn’t quite know what. He could guess, though. “We’re not going to hurt you, ok? We can go as fast or as slow as you want. You feel safe here, and you are. Let us just...take care of you.”

    Lotor hesitated, for just a second, but then he pulled Keith into an embrace. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I… I could never have asked for that.”

    “You can,” Keith said. “And I’ll ask for things, and Shiro will ask, and we’ll...take care of each other. That’s how it works.”

    “Alright.” He held onto Keith for a moment longer. “I really should check on Rallir; he’s usually up by now.”

    Keith let him get up, and he seemed… lighter, if not happier, than he had been previously. A step in the right direction, at least.


	16. Firsts

The baby gave him something to focus on, and Lotor really appreciated that. 

Everything else was so terribly complicated -his muddled and confused feelings, his lack of concentration, the comfort he couldn’t quite let himself have, the mess his predecessors have left for him -but Rallir wasn’t. 

He was old enough now that he was starting to do more than just eat, sleep, and cry. Lotor talked to him, mostly when they were alone, and Rallir responded, not with words, but with his adorable baby noises, almost like a real conversation. 

He wasn’t quite ready to start crawling yet, but he was beginning to climb a few inches at a time, steadily gaining strength; Lotor mostly just let him climb up his chest, where he could keep an eye on him, just in case he fell.

Sometimes, he offered to let Keith or Shiro hold him. They were both surprisingly good with him, for all that they protested they didn’t have much experience with babies, Galra or otherwise. 

And Rallir liked them. Perhaps he picked up on Lotor’s trust of them, or perhaps he was just a good judge of character. Either way, he didn’t immediately start looking around for Lotor the same way he did when Lotor left him with anyone else. He just clung to them, cooing and purring, occasionally reaching for something that caught his eye: Keith’s dagger (which Keith kept out of his reach), Shiro’s hair, the scar on Keith’s cheek.

Lotor had never imagined that he might have children at all. It would have been far too dangerous; someone would have tried to use his children against him. And even if they didn’t… Lotor had been at war his whole life. He couldn’t imagine bringing a child willingly into that life. 

But now that he had Rallir, his sweet, healthy, adorable son… 

It made his desire for peace and prosperity that much stronger. 

Shiro and Keith were in the training room -Keith had been feeling “antsy” lately, and Shiro wanted to get back into shape -and Lotor had a rare moment of down time with his son.

They both sat on the floor, facing, rolling a ball back and forth. Or rather, Lotor rolled the ball to his son, who alternately “pounced” on it and tried to put it into his mouth.

The ball was too big for that, thankfully.

But Rallir seemed to be enjoying himself, cooing and gurgling and babbling, even giggling when he fell over. 

He was far too cute for his own good. 

Lotor plucked the ball up when it slipped out of Rallir’s grasp, intending to roll it back to him, but then Rallir  _ growled _ , and...

It was just a baby’s growl, a few short, discordant notes, but…

Rallir had never growled before. 

Lotor felt tears pricking the corners of his eyes, even as he smiled. “Are you growling at me, Little One?” 

Rallir growled again, then broke into a fit of giggles when Lotor scooped him up, tugging gently on his ear.

“So ferocious…” Lotor crooned, even as Rallir tried to bite him; he was at that phase when he tried to bite everything, and Lotor didn’t take it personally. “Such a mighty warrior. Your foes will quiver before you…”

It amazed him that Rallir was such a happy and well-adjusted baby. A few months ago, he’d been in a cold impersonal lab, with no one to care about him, and now… 

Now he was the most important thing in Lotor’s life, and nothing could ever change that. 

* * *

“Lotor?” Keith asked.

“Hm?”

“Could I… kiss you, maybe?” 

Lotor stilled. He’d been wanting Keith for some time now, but… Just because they told him that they would take care of him, give him what he needed, it didn’t mean… “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah,” Keith said, “if you are.”

Like it was that simple. 

“Just a kiss, right?” Lotor asked. A kiss would be fine; Sendak had never kissed him. But he wasn’t sure if he could go further than that right now. 

“Yeah,” Keith said. 

“Alright,” Lotor said softly. 

Keith moved over on the sofa, until he was right next to Lotor. Lotor had half-expected him to slide into his lap, but he was mostly glad of Keith’s regard for his boundaries. 

“Make the first move,” Keith said. “I don’t know what you like, so…”

Lotor nodded, and it was like he was an adolescent all over again. Not that he’d had people asking for his kiss as an adolescent. But he felt just as awkward and out-of-place. 

He carded his fingers through Keith’s hair, cupping the back of his head with one hand and tilting his chin up with the other. 

Keith’s eyes were already shut and-

“Do you trust me?” Lotor asked, not playfully, although maybe it would have been playful, once, in another reality, where none of  _ that _ had happened. Instead, it was a raw, genuine question, one Lotor needed answered.

“Yeah,” Keith breathed, “like I trust Shiro.” 

With that final permission, Lotor closed the distance between them, pressing their lips together, lightly at first, but then more firmly.

Keith responded, but he didn’t push, just let Lotor do what he wanted, and all Lotor really wanted right now was to feel Keith’s soft, warm lips against his,  almost chastely.

He pulled away finally, pressing their foreheads together, a gesture of gratitude.

Keith’s hands were balled up in his lap, like it had been an ordeal to keep from touching Lotor, but Lotor really appreciated it.

“Thank you,” Lotor murmured.

“It was my idea,” Keith pointed out. “So thanks, that was great.”

“You could...come here, if you wanted,” Lotor said, flushing. “In my lap.”

“If that’s what you want,” Keith said.

“Yes, it is.” 

“Ok,” Keith said, sliding into Lotor’s lap.


	17. Intimacies

Keith didn’t know how or why this worked, but it did. 

Really well, actually.

They moved slowly, but honestly, that was probably for the best. He had some experience, but doing this with people he actually cared about was...different.

Plus, there were Lotor’s (completely understandable) hangups to consider. 

And there was no rush. They were on a course to Earth, stopping here and there to resupply or for Lotor to try to reunite the Empire, but it would take another month, at least, so it felt like they had all the time in the universe.

Sometimes. Other times, Keith felt so restless that he had to spend all day on the training deck for him to even have a chance at sleep.

Making out with Shiro (and, occasionally, Lotor) helped, but at the same time...

Keith was starting to wonder if he was going through some kind of Galra second puberty or something. 

Lotor had suggested that he speak to one of the doctors onboard if he had questions, but honestly… Keith hated doctors, and he’d have to be deathly ill to consider it. 

And he didn’t feel ill. Just...energized. And jumpy. And horny. 

Which was probably why he’d started pulling Shiro into dark corners for a quickie. Usually, they just made out and Keith got off by rutting against Shiro’s thigh, but sometimes they exchanged hand- or blowjobs. 

So that was nice. 

It just...didn’t feel like  _ enough _ . 

But it had to pass eventually, right? It wasn’t like all the other Galra onboard were constantly consumed by the desire to jump every living thing. 

* * *

“Do Galra not eat vegetables?” Shiro asked. “Because no offense, but I would kill for some leafy greens or something.”

Lotor glanced up from his tablet. One of his bad habits, but it was impressive that he managed to eat, read of his tablet, and keep Rallir entertained all at the same time. “Galra are primarily carnivorous,” he said. He set his tablet down. “But here, you can have some of this, if you would like. Keith said it’s similar to an...omelette?” 

It looked remarkably like an omelette, too, fluffy and pale yellow, with some sort of greens mixed in. 

It was just… something felt very intimate about eating off of Lotor’s plate. Not that this thing they had wasn’t intimate. They slept in the same bed, they made out sometimes. Surely, this shouldn’t be such a big deal. 

“It’s really good,” Keith said. “He let me have a bite the other day.” 

“Oh, well, sure, then,” Shiro said, transferring the offered “omelette” to his plate. He took a bite, and it was really good. Shiro never thought he’d miss spinach, but…

“Are humans omnivorous?” Lotor asked. “I’ve been meaning to ask, to ensure that we have supplies that fit your needs.”

That was good; Shiro didn’t exactly want to get scurvy. “Well, there’s some debate about that, on Earth,” Shiro said. “But yeah, we definitely need some plant-based stuff in our diets.”

“Hm.” Lotor shifted Rallir in his lap. “Alteans are much the same, I imagine. Similar dentition.” 

Keith snorted. “I wouldn’t try to talk to Shiro about biology stuff. He barely passed the class they made him take before the Kerberos launch.”

“That was just in case Commander Holt and Matt needed help with the ice cores,” Shiro protested. “I did just fine in my regular biology class.” He turned back to Lotor. “It’s fine. The rations here have the right amount of vitamins and minerals. I asked… Dr. Arnok, was it?”

“If you think I’m letting you dine primarily on rations,” Lotor said smoothly, “I’m afraid you are mistaken. I can provide much better for you.” 

“I- It’s not a big deal.” He’d survived on space food during the Kerberos mission, and comparatively, Galra rations were much better. At least they didn’t try to taste like anything. “I don’t want you to trouble yourself.”

“It’s no trouble at all,” Lotor replied. “My dietary requirements appear to be similar enough to yours.” He glanced at Keith. “Although I think Keith should probably  eat more protein. He’s a bit on the more...diminutive side.”

“Hey!” Keith protested. 

Lotor smiled, not at all cruelly. “Not that you aren’t cute, of course.”

Keith turned red, sputtering as he tried to find words.

It was very cute, Shiro had to admit. He wasn’t sure Keith had ever been this flustered before. 

Lotor’s grin just grew and grew, very much like a cat who got the cream. Finally, he turned back to Shiro. “So… Ice cores? I assume to study atmospheric changes over time, as well as to identify possible microorganisms that could be precursors to more complex life.”

“I guess,” Shiro said. “Biology is not really my strong suit.”

“Then what should I talk to you about?”

“Astrophysics and aeronautics,” Keith piped up. “He’s a huge nerd.”

“Ah…” Lotor said, leaning closer to Shiro, and Shiro got the distinct impression that he was flirting. “I had assumed that you were a distinguished pilot to begin with, but you also know the science behind it?”

“...Yes?” 

“I have some schematics that could use a fresh perspective, if you’d like.”

“I’d like that.”

Lotor sat back. “Excellent.” 


	18. Surprise Bitch, I Bet You Thought This Fic Was Abandoned

Lotor wasn’t prepared when it happened. He should have expected it; things were going really, really well, and all things had to progress in time, and this was, perhaps, the next logical step. 

He just hadn’t expected Keith to...not quite ambush him, exactly, and press him against the door of his quarters.

It was very nice, because it was  _ Keith _ , and he could trust Keith. 

But it was unexpected, and he froze. 

“Shit,” Keith said. “Sorry, I didn’t think…”

“It’s alright,” Lotor said. “It’s you.” 

Keith smiled at that. “Shiro and I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Nothing too serious, I hope,” Lotor said lightly, although inside he was panicking already.

“It’s, uh… No, it’s not super serious. We just wanted to talk. And we’re not breaking up with you or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Lotor relaxed marginally, and allowed Keith to lead him back to his (their; Shiro and Keith had more or less moved in) bedroom. 

Shiro was already there; they’d probably planned this. He still didn’t know what it was, exactly, that they had planned, and that…

Well, it wasn’t ‘super serious’ so surely… Surely there was no reason for him to panic. 

“Keith said you wanted to talk?” Lotor asked.

“Sit down?” Shiro asked, patting the spot next to him on the bed.

Lotor sat carefully, tense and ready to make a run for it if he had to. 

Keith remained standing, off to one side, leaving Lotor a clear path to the door. Very considerate. 

“Is something wrong?” Lotor asked. 

“No, no, we… we were wondering if maybe you were ready to…” Shiro paused, frowning a little, clearly trying to think of the most tactful way of saying-

“We want to know if you want to have sex with us,” Keith said bluntly. 

Lotor blinked. He… He should have known that this was coming, but…

Well, honestly, he hadn’t thought they’d want to. They had each other, and despite their near-constant reassurances… why would they possibly need him?

“No,” he said softly. “Not tonight. I- I don’t want to be touched like that right now.” He was afraid of it, of the feelings it would dredge up; would it take him back to someplace he wanted to avoid at all costs?

“That’s alright,” Shiro said. “Can I kiss you?”

Lotor nodded, and Shiro cupped his face in both hands, gently cradling his jaw as he kissed him tenderly.

Some of the tension in Lotor’s chest unwound. They hadn’t left him yet, hadn’t made him do anything he didn’t want to do, hadn’t…

“Do you want to watch?” Keith asked, when Shiro pulled back.

Lotor stared at Keith for a moment, shocked beyond words. That wasn’t… Voyeurism wasn’t something Galra did, as a rule. Even pornography, while not strictly taboo, was rare and- and  _ filthy _ , and depraved, and…

To ask someone to watch while you…

He swallowed, hard, feeling genuinely aroused for the first time in… 

How could he not be aroused, after such a filthy request? 

He found his voice, somehow. “You want me to watch you have sex?” He asked, looking between both of them, making sure he understood, that they hadn’t meant something else. 

“You don’t have to,” Shiro said, “not if you don’t want to. But we’d like it if you did.” 

“I… I think we could try it,” Lotor said, flushed in embarrassment and desire at the idea. “As long as I don’t have to- to  _ do _ anything…” 

“Only if you want to,” Shiro reassured. “You can just pull up a chair, and watch, or…”

Lotor nodded, slightly breathless, almost dizzy with arousal. It had been such a long time… “Alright.”

“Great,” Shiro said, with that dazzling smile, kind and genuine. 

Lotor couldn’t help but smile back, just slightly, especially when Keith wormed his way into Shiro’s lap. Patience was not his strong suit. 

Lotor stood and pushed an armchair into position near the foot of the bed. “Is this  alright?”

“Perfect,” Shiro said, a little breathless himself, given that Keith had started mouthing at his throat and grinding down in his lap. 

Lotor palmed his cock through his pants. For the first time in a long time, he felt… in control, of the situation, in a way he hadn’t been during-

It was, perhaps, even more erotic than the actual situation, and it made him speak up: “If I were to...ask you to do specific things,” he said carefully, “would you at least consider…?”

Two sets of eyes were on him instantly, and then Keith closed his eyes and groaned a little. 

“Depending on what it was,” Shiro said, blush extending to his hairline, “we might do more than  _ consider _ .” 

“Kiss him,” Lotor demanded. 

Keith moved first, grabbing Shiro’s face with both hands and  _ devouring _ him, more than merely kiss him. Shiro’s hands settled on his hips, keeping him more or less still, which had Keith whining into the kiss. 

He needed more. 

“Undress for us, Keith,” Lotor said. He probably wouldn’t undress for this, himself. Not tonight, but if Keith and Shiro were alright being nude…

Keith nodded and stood, practically ripping his clothes off. 

It was easy to forget, sometimes, that Keith was just as Galra as he was. Therefore, it was entirely possible that-

But Keith would have said something, right? Surely he  _ knew _ . 

Lotor was about to ask, but, in all honesty, he was distracted by Keith’s body. Lean, muscular, and yet… Well, Keith was certainly more diminutive than the average Galra. Very cute, but also very attractive. 

“Fuck,” Lotor said, at the same time Shiro did. 

Keith blushed, somehow redder than Shiro. 

“It’s your turn, Shiro,” Lotor said, somehow maintaining what was left of his composure. Somehow… He’d never felt quite this involved before. He’d never cared quite this much. It scared him, how much he wanted -needed -this to go well. But if he pretended he wasn’t affected, then it wouldn’t matter if it didn’t. 

Shiro smiled a little, then stood, too. Keith helped him, pressing himself against Shiro’s chest, working his hands up under Shiro’s shirt, kissing him the whole time. 

It was...good, just to watch and not actually have to do anything, if he didn’t want to. 

Somehow, Shiro did manage to get undressed entirely, and…

For once, Lotor was breathless in a way that had absolutely nothing to do with his anxiety. Sure, Shiro had scars, but they all did, and it wasn’t like they detracted from his physical appearance. 

The most important part was that he’d survived all of it. 

Shiro turned to look at Lotor, grinning. “Now what?”

Lotor licked his lips -why was his mouth so dry? “Just…” He waved one hand; he hadn’t imagined much past this, so he didn’t- “Whatever you want, I suppose.” 

Shiro’s grin was now a downright smirk, his eyes so dark, so full of desire. ”Whatever I want,” he mused. 

He lifted Keith up by a firm grip on his thighs and set him gently - _ so gently _ -down on the bed, towering over him, not in a domineering way. Just…

Lotor didn’t know how to describe it. All of his past sexual relations, consensual or not, had been domineering, all about power over pleasure. 

Some part of him ached; in a different universe, maybe… Maybe he’d always had someone who looked at him the way Shiro looked at Keith. 

But it wasn’t about that tonight. This heady desire wouldn’t allow it to be. He could simply sit back and watch this- this personalized show, for his eyes only, and enjoy. 

Shiro kissed Keith, slow and filthy, with Keith’s legs wrapped around Shiro’s waist, urging him closer, demanding more. 

The sheer eroticism of watching without really being involved -being able to see the way Keith’s toes curled in pleasure, the way Shiro cupped the back of Keith’s head in one hand, the way Keith clutched at his shoulders, the way they moved together in perfect harmony -was enough to have him freeing his cock with an edge of desperation. 

“Do you have lube?” Shiro asked suddenly.

Or maybe it wasn’t sudden, just unexpected. Did he have lube? The last time he’d bothered to pleasure himself had been… after Thayserix, he was pretty sure. The thrill of the hunt had gotten his blood up, and after that, he’d been too busy, and then… 

Then again, these rooms hadn’t always been his, and… “I think there’s some in the bedside table,” he said finally. 

Shiro reached and, thankfully, there was an unopened bottle. 

While Shiro was occupied with that, Keith propped himself up on his elbows and glanced at Lotor. He looked debauched already: his hair disheveled, his mouth wet, his cheeks flushed. Beautiful. 

Keith’s gaze was like a physical touch, trailing down Lotor’s body like a lover’s hand, for all that Lotor was still mostly dressed. Keith’s eyes stopped at his cock, widening comically, and his licked his lips. “ _ Damn _ .” 

Lotor flushed, grateful that Keith couldn’t see it. 

“If you ever want a blow job, let me know,” Keith said. “I would be happy to.”

Shiro snorted and shook his head. “Sorry. I tried to teach him tact, but it clearly didn’t work.”

Lotor found his voice somehow. “You’ll be the first to know,” he told Keith. 

Keith smiled lazily, like that was exactly the answer he wanted to hear. 

Lotor found himself...oddly charmed, by this curious little hybrid. He’d always been, really, but it- Keith had no  _ shame _ , even now, and that-

“Keith, baby,” Shiro said, “can I fuck you?” 

“Fuck, please,” Keith groaned. 

“You still good?” Shiro asked, looking over at Lotor.

Lotor nodded. 

Shiro held his gaze a moment longer, before nodding himself and smiling. “Let us know if you need something, yeah?”

Lotor nodded again. “I will.” 

“Good.” Shiro turned back to Keith, pressing him into the mattress with a firm hand on his chest, and hiking one of his legs up with the other. 

Gods, how flexible was Keith? 

From this position, Lotor couldn’t quite tell what Shiro was doing, but he could tell the exact moment Shiro pressed one of his fingers into Keith, just based on the way Keith moaned and threw his head back, his eyes clenched shut. 

Lotor stroked his cock with a little more intent, biting his lip. He hadn’t expected it to be so…  _ rousing _ just yet. 

Shiro kissed Keith as he opened him up, and Lotor had never- He’d never seen or considered such  _ devotion _ during a sex act. He shouldn’t have been surprised, based on what he knew of Shiro and Keith’s relationship, but it was- 

He was a stranger here, he didn’t belong, he should go, he was intruding into this private moment-

“Lotor?” Keith asked.

Lotor took a deep breath. “Hm?”

“I’m gonna ride Shiro, and I want you to watch. Ok?”

Lotor took another deep breath. Keith was going to be the death of him. He nodded.

Keith grinned, and playfully grappled with Shiro for a moment, before ending up on top. Lotor was sure if Shiro had let him, or if that was his Galra blood coming into play, but it didn’t really matter. 

Gods, he was beautiful. 

He began sinking down on Shiro’s cock, head thrown back and making absolutely no attempt to stifle all the noises he made. 

“Easy, baby,” Shiro murmured, even as his own hips jerked, barely controlled, almost unable to stop himself from sheathing himself entirely in Keith’s warmth. 

Lotor wondered what that would be like. He was surprised that he even cared to imagine it, his hand tightening up on his cock a little, stroking just that much more firmly. 

Keith took a moment once his ass was flush with Shiro’s hips, panting a little and bracing himself with both hands firmly planted on Shiro’s chest. “Fuck, Shiro, you feel so good, so big…”

He opened his eyes, meeting Lotor’s for a moment, and Lotor caught a flash of gold before he closed his eyes again and rolled his hips.

It was so…. _ dirty _ , to watch this and yet take no real part in it. He couldn’t even articulate why; it just was. But… It was good. Better than he’d thought. 

They were so... _ gorgeous _ together. Watching Keith fuck himself on Shiro’s cock was undeniably erotic. The sounds, the view… 

Lotor’s orgasm surprised him; he’d been paying too much attention to the scene in front of him.

They both turned at the sound him made -not a moan, but he didn’t know what else to call it - and Keith’s hips stuttered in their rhythm as he came, too. 

“Fuck,” Shiro groaned, gripping Keith’s hips a little tighter, thrusting up into him a little more forcefully. “You two are so fucking hot, goddamn-“

He came, just a moment later, and suddenly-

Suddenly, Lotor felt ridiculous. He should have left, before any of this had even started. This was reckless, and dangerous, and- 

Keith collapsed on the bed next to Shiro. “Lotor? Come here?”

Lotor hesitated, then stood jerkily and walked over, half-dreadfilled and half-hopeful. He wasn’t sure why; he never knew why he felt the way he felt these days. “Yes?”

Keith laughed a little and tugged on his hand. “To cuddle?”

“Oh.”

“We’re not going to kick you out,” Shiro said quietly. 

“These are my rooms,” Lotor reminded him.

Shiro smiled. “Just… come here. You look like you need a hug.”

Lotor did. He always did, these days, but he couldn’t ask for one, and sometimes he couldn’t tolerate it. But now… 

They scooted apart, making room for him in the middle, and cautiously, hesitantly, he crawled in between them. 

“Do you need anything?” Shiro asked.

Lotor shook his head. Keith had wormed his way into his arms, so Lotor kissed the top of his head. 

He caught a familiar, specific scent. “ _ Oh… _ ” 

“Hm?” Keith asked sleepily. 

Lotor kissed the top of his head. He was tired, too, and this could wait. “Nothing. We’ll talk later.”

Shiro pressed himself to Lotor’s other side. “Is this ok?”

Lotor nodded. 

Shiro kissed his cheek. “Go to sleep, Lotor.” 

It took a few minutes -it always had -but eventually, he did, listening to and comforted by the deep, even breathing of the men on either side of him. 


	19. Chapter 19

Keith woke to Lotor’s aggressive cuddling, an altogether not-unpleasant thing. It took a moment, but he realized he was purring, and, well… Lotor had said it was a sign of feeling safe and content. And he was; even the nameless itch under his skin had quieted, a little.

It would be back, he thought, but not just yet. 

Shiro was still asleep, on Lotor’s other side, so it must have been very early indeed. 

Keith wanted to stay like this forever, but that wasn’t possible. There was a universe of ruin out there, and someone had to do something; if not him, then who? He couldn’t just sit back and do  _ nothing… _

But this was nice, for right now. 

Lotor stirred, nuzzling the top of Keith’s head a little more ardently; Keith couldn’t keep himself from purring louder. 

He caught the exact moment Lotor woke up: all the tension he hadn’t had while asleep came back in full force, and Keith thought he would have bolted, if not for the fact of Shiro’s arm draped over his waist.

“Shh…” Keith murmured. “‘S just us.”

Lotor didn’t say anything, just held Keith a little bit tighter; Keith didn’t mind. 

Finally, Lotor took a few deep breaths and relaxed a little. “Sorry. I just- You’re- I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Keith said. He turned over enough to kiss Lotor on the cheek. “Sleep well?”

“Well enough.”

Keith curled a little closer to Lotor, still purring (if not quite as loudly). He smelled really good, for some reason, and it was just...nice to hold him, and be held in turn. “You...you said we’d talk later? What was that about?”

He felt the tiny flinch that went through Lotor’s body. “It’s… a personal issue,” he hedged. “Perhaps you would be more comfortable discussing it with a doctor.”

“No one I’m more comfortable with than you and Shiro,” Keith said, “and Shiro doesn’t know what it is, either, does he?”

Lotor shook his head. “It’s a Galra thing.”

“Ok.”

“Male Galra…” Lotor began quietly, “go through phases of virility, sometimes being more virile and sometimes being less. On Daibazaal, it would have coincided with one of the two rainy seasons, such that any children conceived would be born during or right before the other.”

“And that’s what this is?” Keith asked. “Does everyone feel like this right now?”

Lotor laughed softly. “We’re not on Daibazaal anymore, are we, Keith? Younger males go through this about once a year, but the intervals will lengthen over time, and eventually, there might be two or three years between peaks.”

“Peaks,” Keith repeated. “That’s what it’s called?”

“It has to be called something. I’m guessing this is your first?”

“I think so. It’s just the sex thing, right?” He’d been fairly ambivalent about sex until recently. Not chasing after it, but enjoying it when he had the opportunity. 

“There are related symptoms,” Lotor said, “but yes. It’s primarily sexual.”

“Huh,” Keith said. “How long does it last?”

“A few weeks, probably. It’s hard to say with hybrids.” 

“How’d you know?”

“I can smell it,” Lotor said. He rubbed his cheek on the top of Keith’s head. “It’s...distinct.” 

“Oh.” And then: “Not bad, though, right?”

“No. Not bad.” He was quiet after that, and Keith had the sense that he wasn’t up for talking about this any more right now. 

Keith kissed his cheek again. “So, what’s on the roster for today?”

Lotor sighed. “I have a meeting with my commanders, and we’ll need to resupply in ten days or so, and I have to negotiate a place for us to do so.”

“Sounds fun,” Keith said drily.

“Mm.” He held Keith for a few more minutes, before pushing himself up and climbing out of bed. He came back a few moments later, holding Rallir, who was blinking owlishly, having obviously just woken up.

“It’s still early,” Lotor said, a little shyly, fussing with Rallir’s fur with undue concentration. “There’s no need to leave just yet.”

“Shiro’s not even awake yet,” Keith said, by way of agreement. 

Rallir reached for Keith, and Keith let him grab his fingers; Rallir cooed in delight. 

“He’ll be speaking before much longer,” Lotor said. 

“I wonder what his first word will be.”

“Probably ‘tort’ or ‘tax reform’ or something like that.” Lotor smiled softly. “He falls asleep faster when I read to him, and I can get some work done at the same time, so I fear he’s been hearing an awful lot of policy proposals.”

“It could be worse,” Keith said. “Could be a curse word or something.”

Lotor laughed quietly. “Yes, I suppose so.” He laid back, turning onto one side, so that Rallir was between him and Keith. 

Rallir immediately latched onto Keith. 

It surprised Keith how much Rallir seemed to like him, especially considering that other than Lotor and Shiro, he didn’t seem to like most people. (According to Lotor, that was normal for his age, but still.) 

Keith kind of just stroked his back, the way Lotor sometimes did, and Rallir started purring almost immediately. 

“He likes you,” Lotor said quietly, smiling softly, joy and pain mingled in his eyes. “Almost as much as I do, perhaps.”

Keith was taken aback by that; Lotor was rarely that forthcoming about his personal feelings on anything. “I… like you, too.”

Lotor’s expression grew, if possible, even softer. “Thank you, Keith.” He paused, suddenly hesitant about something. “That night, before the Kral Zera… Do you remember?”

“Of course,” Keith said. 

“I’m glad you said no. I wasn’t ready then, and it wouldn’t… It would have broken something else, I think. So thank you.”

“I- It didn’t seem right,” Keith said simply. 

“You’re a good man, Keith.”

And Keith so badly wanted to believe him. 

* * *

Something had...not quite unwound in Lotor’s chest, but eased, perhaps. For the first time in a long time, he felt as though he could breathe. 

It terrified him. He was certain there was something waiting out there in the shadows, waiting for him to drop his guard, and then-

He would be weak, defenseless against it. 

His only consolation was that, if something did happen to him, Rallir would have someone to look after him. Shiro and Keith would keep him safe and raise him appropriately, if it came to that.

He didn’t want it to. He wanted to raise his child to adulthood, wanted to watch him come up on every milestone, wanted to teach and guide him as no one had taught or guided him. 

But failing that… 

For now, it didn’t bear thinking on. He was… if not truly  happy, then content, as he hadn’t been in such a long time. 

Of course it couldn’t last. 


End file.
